Thursday, April 7, 2011

50 Video Game Characters: 31

"So wake up, Mister Freeman...wake up and...smell the ashes"



31. G-Man(Half-Life)

Who is he? Who does he work for? Is he even human? He can travel through dimensions and appear anywhere without getting hurt. He is able to slow time and freeze people. Can he see the future? It might be possible. It is hard to tell with him. He was there for the Black Mesa Incident and is now the overseer and employer of Gordon Freeman, using him when the situation arises. And 20 years after the incident, he wakes Dr. Freeman once more to begin a campaign against the Combine soldiers of the current Earth.

He is not as omniscient as he seems apparently, as he shows distinct anger and frustration when Vortigaunts invade his personal realm to free Dr. Freeman. Instead of fighting them, he merely teleports Freeman into a pile of rubble.

His gaunt facial features and thin frame is complimented by a very odd way of speaking. Raspy and unnervingly calm, he speaks with an odd inflection to some words and elongates consonants on occasion.

The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. But what happens when one man is everywhere?

Best moment: His bizarre speech to Dr. Freeman at the beginning of Half-Life 2, instructing him to "rise and shine"

50 Video Game Characters: 32

"When you see your brother in hell, tell him he's still a douche."



32. Travis Touchdown(No More Heroes)

For a stereotypical otaku, Travis Touchdown is anything but. He is crude and punkish, displays a unique style of dress, has a distinct interest in wrestling(particularly lucha libre and Japanese wrestling icons) and, oh yeah, he's a professional hitman turned the number 1 ranked assassin in the world.

For all his crassness, Travis lives by an honor code, refusing to kill women(mostly) and people he sees as "True Warriors" that he holds respect for. In addition, he can show sympathy for those he kills and even displays respectable behavior when not on the job.

Did I mention he's an otaku? Because he still is a huge fucking otaku. Dude loves moe~, especially the Pure White Lover Bizarre Jelly series, of which he has a shit ton of collectibles. Also he lives alone. With his cat.

Travis Touchdown is a mystery wrapped within an enigma wrapped within a dork wrapped within a badass.

Best moment: Literally one of his first moments in the first game is, as he's entering Death Metal's mansion, he JUMPS OFF HIS BIKE, FLIES IN THE AIR, CUTS THE HEAD OFF TWO GUARDS, LANDS, YELLS "FUCKHEAD" AND THE GUARDS HEADS COME FLYING THE FUCK OFF.

Please note that the entirety of No More Heroes is like this all the time

50 Video Game Characters: 33

"Agnus Dei"



33. Gil Alexander(BioShock 2)

Once a member of Rapture's elite, Dr. Gilbert Alexander began as an ambitious researcher and inventor for Fontaine Futuristics, designing much of Rapture's security system and influential in the creation and upkeep of the Big Daddy, including modifying the suits with electronics, as well as creating the genetic bond between the Big Daddies and Little Sisters.

Alexander began to regret his actions(as one with a basic conscience would when creating monsters akin to Victor Frankenstein), and eventually became a member of the Rapture Family, Sofia Lamb's religion of unity. Lamb's plan to create a utopian society included the creation of the "Utopians," people who have been designed to hold the collected genius of Rapture via ADAM infusion, thus repressing their own personal identity. Alexander volunteered to be the first Utopian and, due to the amount of ADAM and genetics injected into him, was mutated beyond all recognition and driven completely mad. Now calling himself "Alex the Great," he monitors Fontaine Futuristics via security robots from his tank in the hidden ADAM research lab below the fake Fontaine building. Whew, that's a lot of backstory!

Gil Alexander is the representation of Sofia Lamb's dreams: a crazed monster who only had the best intentions in the worst possible ways.

Best moments: The moment when Subject Delta activates the lights in the research lab, finally revealing the tank that Alexander is contained in. And a good approximation of what he looks like.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

50 Video Game Characters: 34

"F.K....in the coffee."



34. Francis York Morgan (Deadly Premonition)

FBI Special Agent Francis York Morgan has been assigned to the small town of Greenvale to investigate the murder of Anna Graham and blah blah blah. I'm not gonna beat around the bush here, Deadly Premonition is a weird game. In both a good and bad way. And that's what makes it so great. Thanks in part to its protagonist.

Part of the reason York was assigned to this case is his own personal interest in the murders of young women. He's a chain smoker, he's dismissive to many of the town's residents and he'll frequently interrupt conversations to talk to his imaginary friend Zach. York is a complete eccentric with a connection to the paranormal and excellent detective skills despite his all around weirdness.

Basically, York is a weird guy but not all he seems. He's far more put together than he lets on. Or maybe not. The only people that know are him and Zach.

Best moment:

50 Video Game Characters: 35

"Maybe we'll invent a cosmic Esperanto."


35. King of All Cosmos(Katamari Damacy)

You may not know it, but this man is the rule of the universe. This handsome, effortlessly styled, brilliant man rules all that we see and all that we don't see. And he just destroyed it all.

The King, you see, had a drinking binge and proceeded to destroy nearly every star and planet. So he tasks his son, the Prince, with creating new ones using a Katamari, a ball that rolls up just about everything it comes in contact with.

Ever disappointed that his son is so small, the King of All Cosmos frequently appears in the game to give him some fairly useless advice, mainly comprised of random musings from off the top of his kingly head. In the end, if you do well enough, he will reward you with the nonsensically verbal equivalent of a pat on the back. Fail, and you'll get lambasted with insults like how you lack the grace of a swan. If you're lucky, that is. Sometimes he'll use his eye lasers to zap you to oblivion.

The King is great not just because of his great looks and vast intelligence, but also because he is Katamari Damacy. Fun, easy-going and hilarious, just like the game itself.

Best moment: When he gets knocked in the head in Katamari Forever and suffers amnesia, causing the Prince to enter his memories and return color. It's a fun way to return to great past levels. Meanwhile, his replacement is a robot version of himself.

50 Video Game Characters: 36

"Why you insolent fool! I will crush you with a loud, loud crunch!"


36. Dr. Wiwy (Mega Man)


A former collaborator of Dr. Thomas Light, Dr. Albert Wily aided in the creation of 8 humanoid robots designed to help society in various way. Jealous of the world ignoring his contributions to the machines, he reprogrammed 6 of the 8 robots(the other two being child-like robots) and sent them to blaze a path of destruction.

Dr. Wily is the mad mind behind the 8 robot masters that Mega Man must defeat. In every game. Why keep up the robot master routine after getting defeated 10 times? Eventually you run out of ideas and you start building shit like a train robot or a robot that looks like a sheep. A sheep robot is a terrible idea.

Wily is great because he's a prototypical mad scientist in the video game world and a complete pissy shit who got mad when people didn't give him enough attention.

Best moment: At the end of every game, when he's left bowing and scraping for forgiveness. Because he's a total coward.