40 Disney Attractions: 24

"Two tiny wings/Eyes big and yellow/Horns of a steer/But a loveable fellow/From head to tail, he's royal purple pigment/And there, voila, you've got a Figment"



24. Journey into Imagination

Topped with giant stupid triangles, Epcot's Imagination Pavilion has been the home of Journey into Imagination since the ride opened in 1983. In its original incarnation, the ride's omnimover vehicles come across a giant blimp flying in the sky, the ride of choice for the Dreamfinder. Turns out the blimp can collect dreams and ideas to be placed in the Dreamport.

Assissting Dreamfinder is a small, purple, dragonish creature that is the literal figment of imagination, aptly named Figment(voiced by famous little person Billy Barty). Traveling through the Dreamfinder's storage room, the ride journeys past a number of rooms, experiencing how art, science, literature, performing arts and music can influence the power of imagination. Making it to the Dreamport, riders disembark as Dreamfinder explains how imagination is the key to unlocking the hidden wonders of the world.

Then Disney shut it down and screwed the whole thing up.

Following a year long renovation, the ride reopened as Journey into YOUR Imagination and featured a couple changes. First of all, the ride location now takes place in the Imagination Institute, a facility dedicated to studying imagination's power(also where the then-next-door Honey I Shrunk the Audience took place). Second, neither the Dreamfinder nor Figment are to be found, instead replaced by the Institute's head, Dr. Nigel Channing(Eric Idle). Channing, utilizing a new invention called the Imagination Scanner, discovers that the riders have literally no imagination, so he sends you through a bunch of rooms and blah blah blah your imagination is now supercharged and the scanner explodes. Surprisingly, this version sucked hard, so the ride shut down once more.

Only to reopen for the currently last time, now Channing is still the head of the Institute, but now plays the studious English foil to the wacky and fun-loving Figment(now voiced by Bunsen Honeydew/Gonzo muppeteer Dave Goelz). As Channing shows the guests through an open house, showcasing the five senses' influence on imagination, Figment interrupts at every turn, turning a boring open house into an exhibition on the magic of imagination. Eventually, Channing relents and realizes the Figment is correct in believing the imagination should be set free.

As much as people get mad at the changes made to the new Imagination ride compared to the original, I love it. It's kind of great to see a juxtaposition between the free Figment and the stuffy Channing. People just want everything to be the same as it was before, but it's funny how perception works sometimes. And imagination plays a big part in that.

40 Disney Attractions: 25

At the end of Hollywood Boulevard, the glitzy neon-encrusted Main Street surrogate for Hollywood Studios, sits the Chinese Theater. Decorated outside with the hand and footprints of folks like Jim Henson, Neil Diamond and George Lucas, the Theater(missing the Grauman's title since it was denied rights to use it) houses a display of movie items and, further in, sits a huge movie screen showing a number of trailers(slightly condensed), among them Alien, Singing in the Rain and Raiders of the Lost Ark. All in all, it's a pretty cute little tribute to Hollywood but could never really facilitate an actual r

"Hold onto your wallets and purses, folks. This looks like a bad neighborhood."



25. The Great Movie Ride


All of a sudden, the doors swing open, revealing a 1930s soundstage sitting inside the old Chinese Theater. In truth, as your tour guide reveals, this setting serves as the beginning of a tour through the movies. Not a look at sets or behind-the-scenes nonsense, a tour that literally takes you physically through famous films(or audio-animatronic equivalents). Beginning in the musicals, the ride vehicle travels past Busby Berkley's Footlight Parade and a lamppost-swinging Gene Kelly singing in the rain before passing under the rooftops of London as Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke sing Chim Chim Cheree.

From the top of London to the Underworld, the tour continues into the 1930s Chicago of the classic gangster films of years gone by. Passing by James Cagney's Tom Powers in a scene from The Public Enemy, the vehicle is halted by a traffic light, currently red, above a train tunnel. As your tour guide embarks to speak to someone about it(instead of just waiting), they are immediately met with a trio of mobsters(one real, the other two being animatronic) and, as the cops descend on the crime scene, mob boss Mugsy hijacks the car, leaving his team(and the tour guide) for pig feed and holding everyone on board hostage. But first a quick ride into the Old West, where John Wayne and Clint Eastwood warn you of what waits ahead, something the captor doesn't pay mind to. Moving past a saloon shootout, the tour enters the dingy, near dead Nostromo starship(which Mugsy mistakes for Jersey). Nervous, Mugsy speeds by scenes of the Alien popping out, trying to attack, while Sigourney Weaver's Ripley waits in the shadows with a flamethrower.

Moving through a snake-infested temple, the ride finds Indiana Jones and Sallah lifting the Ark of the Covenant out of the tomb before turning a corner to find the TEMPLE OF ANUBIS, home of a MYSTERIOUS JEWEL. Seeing an opportunity to Get Paid, Mugsy ascends the TEMPLE OF ANUBIS steps before being stopped by a temple guard who warns to not touch the MYSTERIOUS JEWEL or else face DIRE CONSEQUENCES, which Mugsy obviously ignores, touching the MYSTERIOUS JEWEL and turning into A SKELETON. The temple guard drops their robe and that's when things get sexy it turns out it's the tour guide! Back on track, the ride passes Mickey Mouse as the sorcerer's apprentice, Rick and Ilsa saying their goodbyes, and Tarzan, King of the Jungle, swinging across the jungle, before finally stopping in Munchkinland.

As the Munchkins welcome you to the merry old land of Oz, the Wicked Witch poofs in, accusing the tour guide of killing her sister before poofing away again after delivering empty threats. Not knowing how to continue, the Munchkins pop back up, realizing a song cue, and sing to follow the Yellow Brick Road. Leading past Dorothy and her crew standing in front of the Emerald City, the road ends in a giant theater which shows a grand finale three minute montage of classic film moments, before ending back up at the soundstage.

The Great Movie Ride is a pretty cute and entertaining blend of live action and robots coming together, something rare at Walt Disney World and it creates a really nice atmosphere to all of Hollywood Studios as the entrance ride to a world of fantastical cinema magic.

40 Disney Attractions: 26

"When you hear the words 'Go for launch,' you'll definitely want to hang on."



26. Mission: SPACE

BOOM what up America, welcome to the future! Literally welcome to the future, because the former home of Horizons is now the International Space Training Center in the year 2036. On this, the 75th anniversary of manned spaceflight, NASA plans to shoot astronauts to Mars for the first time. And y'all are trainees for the X-2 Deep Space shuttle.

After a video starring Gary Sinise hell yes, all trainees are put in groups of four and sent to the fake shuttles for training. Here, each member is assigned a crew position and tasked with pressing a certain button when the time comes. Sure, there are other buttons on the console but they will do nothing and may God help you if you do not push that damned button. Naw, just joking, the ship's auto-pilot will get it if you don't, but you'll look like an unfun jerk.

Following a shaky lift-off, your virtual vehicle slingshots around the moon for that extra push before dropping you into hyperfuturesleep so they have an excuse for the short trip from Earth to Mars. Obviously, since this is a training exercise there are also multiple DRAMATIC PROBLEMS to enhance the drama, but of course those are solved easily, usually with buttons.

In truth, it's just a glorified 2.5 g-force centrifuge mixed with video of space travel, but what makes Mission Space so thrilling is how close to reality it is to actual training. And by that, I mean, a lot of people puked a lot on it to the point that they actually had to create a second, half-throttle version of the ride for people who still like the idea of maybe barfing, but not also possibly having a heart attack.

AND OUR DESTINY
BEGINS WITH YOU AND ME
THROUGH ALL SPACE AND TIME
THE ACHIEVEMENT OF MANKIND
AS WE SAIL THE SEA
OF DISCOVERY
ON HEROES' WINGS WE FLY

40 Disney Attractions: 27

"Hang on to them hats and glasses! 'Cause this here is the wildest ride in the wilderness!"




27. Big Thunder Mountain Railroad

Once upon a time in the American Southwest, specifically a small mining town known as Tumbleweed, gold was discovered in and around the mountain just outside the town. Overnight, Tumbleweed became a prosperous Gold Rush area, with trains built around the mountain to transport ore.

Due to the desecration of the mountain(and a Native American curse), a flash flood destroyed most of the town's livelihood, leaving it to be abandoned for years. That is until folks wandering found that the trains traversing the mountains have been running constantly all this time without an engineer or crew to be found. Somehow people thought this would make a good tourist destination and the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was born in little Tumbleweed, offering visitors a chance to ride a possessed train around an entirely unstable mining camp located inside a mountain. Cool ideas. Awesome.

Out of the three mountains in the Magic Kingdom, Big Thunder Mountain is probably the most exciting and yet the most overlooked. It's the fastest, going 30 mph, it's got the most atmosphere and story to it, but it tends to be pushed aside for flying in the dark and getting all wet. It's the most conventional roller coaster in Walt Disney World and that's most likely where it goes wrong, because it's an old fashioned roller coaster in an amusement park that rewrote the book on amusement parks.

40 Disney Attractions: 28

"You are not the first to pass this way...nor shall you be the last"



28. Maelstrom

Hei og velkommen til Norge! Displaying a traditional Stave church and a number of interconnected shops in four styles of Norwegian architecture, the Norway pavilion is more than just about the viking. It's also about................................................................trolls. Vikings and trolls. And a storybook buffet.

REGARDLESS, the main attraction of the most recent addition(built in 1988) to the World Showcase is really the closest thing to a thrill ride here. And considering the only other ride is the Three Caballeros Small Mexican World Adventure, it's nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnot saying much. Originally a ride exclusively about trolls, the Norwegian sponsors asked they include other aspects of Norway.

Aboard a Viking ship, the boat slowly climbs a ramp, the guests' view staring directly into the eye of Odin, as he(or possibly someone else???) speaks of the history of Norway. Passing by scenes of early Norwegian villages and Vikings sailing the seas, Maybe-Odin tells of how the myths and legends of trolls living in the swamps still live on to this day.

Leading obviously into a troll-infested swamp, an enraged three-headed troll casts a spell on the boat, sending it backwards over the falls. The falls, if you don't know, are featured outside the ride and look like this:

It's not really a huge drop, but the pool isn't really deep, so it would cause some problems.

Rushing past scenes of puffins and polar bears(??????), the boat slowly inches towards the falls, ready to plunge you into the outside, before......I dunno, the spell wears off or something? The boat turns around, only to reveal a bigger drop right into the North Sea. Falling fast, the ride drops you into a stormy sea, surrounded by massive oil rigs. Finally the boat pulls into the dock of a modern fishing village, as Possibly-But-Maybe-Not-Odin declares the spirit of Norway was, is and always will be adventure.

Then you watch a short film about modern(1988) Norway. Or you don't, because the doors are open and you can just walk right past, walking in front of everyone like a rude jerk(which is what I do). Then you go into all the shops and that's the Maelstrom.

There are no ducks on this ride.

40 Disney Attractions: 29

"If something can't be done with X-S, then it shouldn't be done at all."



29. ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter

To your farthest right upon entering the Magic Kingdom is Tomorrowland is, quite obviously, a world of tomorrow. Not a true future, but the idealized future we all knew as children. A world of flying cars and daily trips to the furthest reaches of outer space. Walt Disney World's Tomorrowland is, visually, most inspired by the pre-World War 2 retrofuturism seen in works like Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon. In keeping with the imagery, Tomorrowland is ostensibly presented as a huge spaceport, complete with conference centers and a metroliner looping around the entire area.

A former sponsor of the Tomorrowland convention center, X-S Tech once presented a demonstration of their new transportation technology. You're given a quick example of what's to come in the pre-show as the Simulated Intelligence Robots(you may call him SIR) shows off the teleporter with the help of a cutesy little alien named Skippy. Of course, once Skippy emerges from the other side, he's completely charred to a crisp and disoriented, so maybe a few bugs need to be worked out.

Entering the main hall(with the towering teleportation tube sitting in the middle), visitors are strapped into their chairs with harnesses and are presented with a live feed from across the galaxy to X-S Tech. Here, chairman L.C. Clench and two employees, Spinlok and Dr. Femus, plan to present their new technology by transporting a single guest to X-S HQ. At least until Clench has the idea that, instead of transporting one person to meet them, he'll transport himself to meet everyone in Tomorrowland. Between the change of plans and the testy Clench's general lack of patience, the signal is WHOOPS accidentally diverted to a different planet, sooooooooooooooooooooo instead of Clench coming down, now it's a massive, winged HR Giger wet dream(although legally different from HR Giger's works and a completely original creation).

Almost predictably, the lights start to freak out until quick flashes of light reveal a shattered and completely empty teleportation tube. The monster is loose in the theater and, judging by how it handled that maintenance worker(as in pulling him into the air ducts and spilling his blood on you), it's not a vegan. But before you're made into an alien's lunch, Spinlok and Femus somehow get the beast to return to his home planet. You're freed from your harnesses as the two technicians continue their search for the now missing Clench.

With positional audio, the use of hot, moist air and the seats actually pressing down on you, the ride uses fairly simple effects to simulate everything from the alien breathing down your neck to slapping you in the head to even licking you. Futurehorror where you're tortured by an alien and you can't even move. For a Disney ride, this is dark as all get out.

40 Disney Attractions: 30

"¿Dónde está Donald?"



30. Gran Fiesta Tour starring the Three Caballeros

World Showcase's Mexico pavilion is a pretty interesting venue. Modeled on a Mesoamerican pyramid, the outside is merely a facade for the huge colonial marketplace that sits inside, always under the night sky.

Prior to 2007, Mexico had a ride that was a cute, if plain, boat ride through the country called El Rio del Tiempo. This was a thing for 25 years until someone at Disney realized that they had their own Latin American cartoon characters to use. Their really awesome Latin American cartoon characters that they never use ever and really really should more often.

Preparing to put on a show for the guest, Jose Carioca the Brazilian parrot and Panchito Pistoles the Mexican rooster have discovered that their third member, Donald Duck, has gone missing. Using Panchito's flying serape, the duo travel across Mexico searching for the sightseeing Donald, before finally catching him doing what he does best(aside from getting angry or sounding like he's got a popcorn kernel stuck in his throat): trying to hit on some hot babes. Donald really loves babes. With the Three Caballeros together again, they finally perform their open air concert beneath a myriad of fireworks.

Short and sweet, the Gran Fiesta Tour is a simple quick ride that's just pretty cute and fun. Plus it has the Three Caballeros and they are the best.

OH HEY

If you like hearing me talk endlessly about Disney, I'm working on a project wherein I talk about every Disney Animation Studios feature film.

You can find it right here!

40 Disney Attractions: 31

"I almost bounced clear out of the ride!"



31. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

Following the success of 1977's Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh movie, the Imagineers at Disneyland thought it would be a good idea to make a ride out of the chubby little cubby's exploits in the soon-to-be revamped Fantasyland in Anaheim. Finally, when Fantasyland reopened in 1983, there it was: no ride. In fact it would take another 16 years before a Pooh Bear ride would be created. Oddly, the Disney World Fantasyland(where the ride was first opened) had enough space for a couple more attractions, yet they instead chose to replace an existing attraction: Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

But we're not talking about that ride yet! It's fatty's time to shine. A general dark ride, Winnie the Pooh takes guests in a hunny pot through Pooh's meta-storybook world. Despite its title promising Many Adventures, it mainly focuses on the events which unfold on a particularly blustery Windsday in the Hundred Acre Wood. Driving past scenes of chaos like Piglet hanging onto a broom for dear life and Kanga trying to keep Roo from flying away, the pot heads deeper into the woods before getting ambushed by Tigger, who invites you to bounce with him. Which, of course, your pot proceeds to do along the track until you come upon Tigger pounced atop Pooh Bear, telling him all about the dangers of Heffalumps and Woozles.

What proceeds is a probably my favorite part of the ride. As Pooh Bear dreams of the hunny-stealing creatures(with a ghostly version of his body lifting into the sky, thanks to Pepper's Ghost), the doors open into a bizarre blacklighted bastarized funhouse. 2-Dimensional Heffalumps and Woozles dance around, Jack-in-the-Box Woozles pop out of their boxes and a giant Heffalump blows smoke rings right in your face from his trunk. Exiting through a water can pouring rain over a hunny pot, the scene turns into a flooded Hundred Acre Wood, with thunder and lightning going off in the background. As everyone tries to rescue Piglet from floating away, the ride vehicle itself floats around(a move achieved by having the vehicle move in all directions at a steady speed). In the final scene, everyone is enjoying a party in celebration of the end of the flood. Everyone, that is, with the exception of Pooh, who has happily stumbled upon a huge hunny stash next to the end of the ride.

As lame as it is that Mr. Toad is no more, Pooh is, personally, a welcome replacement. It's cute and fun and that's what should matter. A lot of people get really mad when things are replaced by other things, but the parks were always meant to be constantly changing so that it would never be dated. Just because you liked a ride as a kid, doesn't mean it should remain that way. The park isn't meant to just cater to you or your kid or any other one individual. It's for everyone.

So quit your complaining, you chump!

40 Disney Attractions: 32

"Roger Simba One"



32. Kilimanjaro Safaris

Salamu and welcome to Africa! Once a Dutch settlement, the small East African village of Harambe became self-governing entity following a peaceful revolution in 1963. Since then, much of Harambe has been devoted to protecting and learning of the wildlife in the area. Tourists and students both travel to Harambe to view observe Africa's animals in their naural habitats via both the Pangani Forest Exploration Trail and the Harambe Wildlife Preserve, where they can tour the area thanks to the Kilimanjaro Safari Tours.

Arranged by Preserve warden Wilson Matua, the two-week safari tour allows guests to safely explore the Ituri forest, Safi River valley and Serengeti Savana, among others. Aboard the Simba One(simba is swahili for lion, you jerks), guests are offered a look at a number of native creatures, among them lions, elephants and zebras. While there's a few dangerous moments, mainly driving on a rickety bridge over crocodile infested waters, the tour goes fairly smoothly. At least until Matua spots a couple poachers lurking in the preserve. With your guide as the closest available ride to the poachers, the vehicle races to stop them from shooting mother elephant Big Red and taking her child. Will you get there in time?(Yes you will).

Even without the added factor of action, Kilimanjaro Safaris is a relaxing ride with the bonus of getting a close look at animals interacting in their natural habitat(which is why the ride closes in the late afternoon or else all the animals would just be sleepin).

40 Disney Attractions: 33

"Our journey begins as dramatic and sudden changes are sweeping over the land."



33. Living with the Land

While the east side of Epcot's Future World focuses on the technological sciences, the west side is more natural. A look at how we can live in harmony with our planet and how we can harness the power of imagination to do it. The centerpiece of this side is The Land, a two story building that houses three attractions, two restaurants and much of the entire resort's produce production facility. Less of a ride, more of a tour, Living with the Land takes you on a boat ride through that facility.

Starting in a series of setpieces depicting different climate areas, the ride explains how man and animal has been able to adapt and live within the area or modifying it to fit our purposes without harming it. Soon after, the ride opens out into the greenhouse within The Land. Here is where the park's "living laboratory" resides, exploring the future of agriculture. All the plants are grown using hydroponics(the plants are grown in sand, perlite, coconut coir and rockwood).

While the majority of areas seem like regular greenhouses, most have something special about them. The Aquacell practices safe fish farming, housing high and low-denisty tanks and tubes to store everything from shrimp to alligator to bass. The String Greenhouse focuses on a number of innovative techniques, such as Nutrient film, which recycles plant nutrients for the plants themselves, and "vertical growing" which is exactly what it sounds like.

Before departing the ride, the boat takes you through the Creative Greenhouse, which explores future ways to make and preserve plants and vegetables. All plants here are grown via Aeroponics, which suspend the plant in the air and spray the (sometimes exposed) roots with a mist of water and nutrients. Also housed in this area is the biotechnology labs of the living laboratory, where several USDA scientists reside to research crop improvement, as well as a pest management lab which handles a number of beneficial insects used to deal with pests that would be harmful to the plants.

Disney is known for its seriousness in keeping the visage of the park intact, making sure characters don't walk in the wrong areas or maintenance can't be seen. Heck, that's the entire reason the Magic Kingdom has the underground Utilidoors, to take cast members from one side of the park to the other without being seen. What makes Living with the Land so cool and special is that this is the closest to a backstage pass most of us will really get.

40 Disney Attractions: 34

"Did he just say 'action'?"



34. Studio Backlot Tour

Hollywood Studios is dedicated to the Hollywood of old. Not the one in California, but the one in our minds. A Hollywood where the streets are paved with gold and the famous never grow old, a place that never was, yet always will be.

Originally the Disney-MGM Studios, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer allowed their name to be used and helped fund the park until they realized Disney were violating their contract by building a working studio in the park and they sued with Disney filing a countersuit due to MGM opening a theme park in Vegas. A judge eventually decided that both were allowed to do what they want and it wasn't until 2008 that Disney changed its name to Disney's Hollywood Studios.

Like a movie studio, the park has multiple areas that blend into each other as a mass of streets. It can sometimes be a bit confusing to traverse but it's easy to get used to. The other real con is a lot of the attractions are spaced out/are shows, so there aren't too many rides around the park, leaving it sometimes feeling a little empty. Like, most parks might take a whole day or more to really explore, but this one feels like half a day. Luckily, most of the rides here are worth the visit.

Fittingly located in the one area that really looks like the other side of the studio, the Studio Backlot Tour is exactly what it sounds like: a tram ride through the backlot area of the studio, beginning at first in a standing show area based around special effects(explained by a pre-taped Michael Bay). Filming the fictional "Harbor Attack," a couple "special volunteers"(usually found by asking guests at the entrance if they'd like to skip the line) are put in the place of stuntmen and are rocked by explosions and doused in water(one unlucky guest in the "engine room" is overcome by a massive deluge of water), before the scenes are put together, with the final result being shown to the audience. After a brief queue through a prop room, the tram ride really begins.

The tram takes you through a number of sights, among them the Earful Tower(a water tower that used to be the park's symbol), the costumes building and a vehicle boneyard featuring everything from Herbie the Love Bug to Judge Doom's steamroller to the escape pod from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The tour climaxes at a movie set that is currently being used for filming, but the crew is on break right now so it's no big d if we check it out. Too bad Catastrophe Canyon begins filming during the tram's stop. Suddenly the whole area shakes, the fuel truck EXPLODES IN A MASSIVE FIREBALL and the whole canyon floods, with the tram at the end of the flood's path. Just because you didn't participate in Harbor Attack doesn't mean you get out of getting soaked.

Following the big finish, the tram goes around the set and explains how this movie magic was made(it involves water and fire). Tram moves towards the end and you can walk through a building and look at an AFI gallery of the greatest movie villains(look it's the Alien costume oh boyyyyy) and that's it. Tram end. It's probably the closest thing to a Universal-style "behind the scenes" thing in the park.

40 Disney Attractions: 35

"I tend to get hungry after a couple billion years"



35. Ellen's Energy Adventure

Initially a serious film with a short interlude of riding through a scene of robot dinosaurs, the whole thing got turned around in the mid-90's. Gone was the serious film, replaced by a film where Ellen Degeneres, after having a discussion about energy with her neighbor Bill Nye(wha), falls asleep while watching an old rival compete on Jeopardy. Since this a bizarre sitcom world where no one locks their doors and Ellen Degeneres lives next door to Bill Nye, she subsequently dreams about being on an energy-themed episode of Jeopardy against Albert Einstein and rival Judy Peterson(played by Jamie Lee Curtis). The dream, quite predictably, turns into a nightmare in the first round since Ellen knows jack about energy, so Bill Nye takes Ellen to the beginning of time and shows her just How Important Energy Is.

At the point the whole theater moves into the "Moving Theater" portion. After a segment where Bill and Ellen literally see the Big Bang, they're suddenly in the middle of a prehistoric jungle. That's where the animatronic dinos come into play. So the moving theaters turn around and travel through a couple scenes with dinosaurs. These dinos:



These scenes are basically the same as the one from Universe of Energy, except they put in an animatronic Ellen hiding and trying to fight off said dinosaurs. That's about it. Then it's back into another damn theater, this time a caveman(Kramer) discovers fire and sets off the history of man controlling energy in a quick montage. In a very forward-thinking moment, Bill and Ellen then discuss the future of energy, among them wind and solar power(the Universe of Energy building itself was actually an innovation in solar energy as its roof is made up of around 80,000 photovoltaic solar cells that partly power the entire ride).

You can see where Ellen's dream goes from here. She returns in the second round of Jeopardy and does really well and wins. Then Ellen pretty much tells you to get the hell out.

This ride hasn't been changed since 1996.

40 Disney Attractions: 36

"C'mon, everybody. Here we goooo!"



36. Peter Pan's Flight

Fantasyland, more than any other section in the Magic Kingdom, the place where dreams come true, regardless of whether or not you wish upon a star. While Disneyland's version is modeled on an old-thyme Bavarian village, Disney World's is modeled on a renaissance Fantasie Faire, mainly out of necessity. Florida is pretty rainy a lot so there needs to be a lot of coverings to make sure the rides don't get all rained up. Currently at the Magic Kingdom, things are a little cramped, seeing as Fantasyland is going through a full-on facelift adding huge areas devoted to the princesses and adding a second Dumbo ride.

Probably the most common ride at Disney theme parks is the "dark ride". Dark rides are indoor attractions where vehicles travel through specially-lit scenes containing music, sound, animation, etc.

Peter Pan's Flight is a fairly traditional dark ride with one caveat. It's the only dark ride with a suspended ride vehicle. Instead of traveling on an Omnimover track on the floor, the vehicles(modeled after the flying galleon at the end of the film) travel with an overhead thingy to "simulate" """"flight""". From there though, it's pretty straightforward. You travel through all the big scenes from Peter Pan: Pete arriving in the Darling home, flying over London, the sword fight, all that good stuff.

The thing that always confused me is how popular the dang thing is. Wait times can go up to over an hour, even if it feels shorter thanks to the efficient Omnimover system. It's a normal, short dark ride and yet people go nuts over it? Maybe that's not it, maybe it's just that it's a super quick ride and it gives folks something to do before they go eat a burger at Liberty Tree Tavern(located adjacent to beautiful Gracey Manor). Who knows?

More importantly, who cares. It's fun.

40 Disney Attractions: 37

"Expedition Everest team members should proceed to the loading platform."



37. Expedition Everest

Disney's Animal Kingdom is just as the name implies. It's an animal kingdom, of both the modern and ancient, real and mythical. You can come face to face with the largest beasts to roam the earth or get shrunk to the tiniest bug. Animal Kingdom is a world of animals in their natural habitats(theme parks) with us as tourists in their land. In terms of the other parks, it is the most natural of the resort. Here, vast expanses of land do their best to simulate each animal's most familiar surroundings and the park also dedicates much of its time to conservation and animal protection. You know how all the other parks have fireworks shows? Animal Kingdom doesn't haven't that because it would make the animals freak out.

Much like the World Showcase, Animal Kingdom uses real places(for the most part) as the starting off point of its attractions. Here, Africa and today's article Asia are given the fantasy backstory treatment. Animal Kingdom's Asia takes visitors to the peaceful, and fictional, kingdom of Anandapur(which translates to "place of delight" in Sanskrit). The village of Anandapur was formerly part of a much larger kingdom ruled over by many kind maharajahs before destruction of the land whittled the kingdom down to two small villages, Anandapur and Serka Zong, located at the base of the Himalayas. Since then, many of the residents have devoted their time to conservation efforts and the study of native animal life.

In Serka Zong, an expedition team has set up shop to scale Mount Everest. However, the train up to the mountain must first pass through the town's legendary "forbidden mountain," said by locals to be the home of the mythical yeti. As you wind through the queue, you explore the village's local wildlife museum, with a large section devoted to the yeti itself. Upon reaching and entering the train, it winds around a path(with a little drop) before heading into the mountains. Here, a temple devoted to the yeti has been ransacked and murals warn the rider of the fictional beast. Making it near the top of the mountain, the train grinds to a halt. The track ahead of it has been torn up, presumably by some animal. No worries, the train begins a backwards trek on a different track, spiraling backwards down the mountain before heading back up on another path.

But soon enough, the track comes to a halt again, this time inside a huge cave. The illuminated cave wall shows the shadow of a massive creature tearing up more track before it notices something and runs off. The train moves away again, carefully traveling further down another track, until that track turns out to go the wrong way. Soon enough, you're plunging 80 feet down, banking left and right and spiraling around mountains and as you plummet you fall through another cave and you see him.



The yeti is real. He swipes at you, trying to derail the train once more, but you escape to safety. Finally reaching the base, your train docks and you unload, those myths and legends proved true.

Despite its immense size(it's not only the tallest thing in the entire Walt Disney World resort, it would also be the second tallest summit in Florida if it were a real mountain) and somewhat imposing nature, it is commonly billed as a family thrill ride. In other words, for all its flash and ambience(which is very nice, though), it's somewhat tame. Strange for a ride starring a monstrous yeti.

40 Disney Attractions: 38

"Hey Henry! What's holdin' you up? Let's get on with the show!"



38. The Country Bear Jamboree

Disney World's original park, the Magic Kingdom, is more or less a recreation of California's Disneyland. From the park's layout of multiple themed lands to the centerpiece, a brilliant and beautiful castle, Magic Kingdom is a tribute to the young and young of heart and a place where dreams come true.

Full of red rock buttes and sitting beside an old gold rush river, Frontierland is a land pieced together from the most fantastical Westerns. Here, cowboys uphold the law of the land, pioneers set up shops and saloons and miners explore the beauty of the old west searching for that great promise of gold.

While Disneyland has the Critter County, Magic Kingdom places all its "Souther talking animal" attractions in Frontierland. Because why the heck not. So that's why the Country Bear Jambaroo is here, then!

Anyways, rustic Grizzly Hall houses an old-timey country revue full of robot bears and the heads of other robot animals on the wall providing commentary, but not in a snarky Statler and Waldorf kind of way. Just regular old commentary.

Henry, your master of ceremonies, introduces a number of goofy-lookin bears who all sing a little song and play their instruments before the next bear comes out. It may not be that enjoyable to most people, it remains pretty cute. Plus, there is literally 0% chance you're going to hate a giant, fat slow bear named Big Al singing "Blood on the Saddle".

Also,

Big dumb belchin bear!

40 Disney Attractions: 39

"Horizons 1 is now departing. Our final destination today, the 21st century."



39. Horizons

To the south of World Showcase is Future World, Epcot's celebration of the human application of nature and technology. One of the original landmarks of the park was Horizons.

As the Carousel of Progress was initially a look into the future from the post-war '50s and '60s, Horizons, the spiritual successor of the Carousel, is the modern age's view of the future. The modern age in this case being 1983, but hey, that's better than 1964.

An innocuous airport concourse("futureport") transforms into an omnimover port, where the ride begins in the most obvious of places: the past. Entitled "Looking Back At Tomorrow," the vehicles move past scenes of previous predictions of the future, from Jules Verne on. Your omnicar moves on to a view of the present, brought to you by two giant honkin' OMNIMAX dome screens, showing how we can utilize modern(1983) technologies and ideas to further the future.

Finally it moves into the ride's finale: the future. A grand city of the future, desert, space and underwater colonization are all featured and you're given the choice of viewing one further in a quick 30-second film

While Horizons was one of the earliest Epcot attractions to close, it stands as the first attraction in Disney history with something special: interactivity.

40 Disney Attractions: 40

"Mr. Franklin, I was born honest. Fortunately, it wore off."



40. The American Adventure

Welcome to Epcot, a place devoted to our present and our future. Designed as a permanent World's Fair, Epcot has two specific sections. To the north is the World Showcase. Here, eleven countries have gathered to celebrate our planet's various cultures. Each nation's pavilion is staffed exclusively by resident's of that country and the food and souvenirs are also all country-specific. Obviously, it's watered down for Disney purposes, but it's all there. Also they serve alcohol, so you can get absolutely stinko and get your picture taken with Tigger at the same.

At the center is the American Adventure. This isn't specifically meant to be egotistical(although it can certainly come off as such). The American Adventure represents, naturally, the USA as the host of this gathering of nations. It's also pretty much the smallest pavilion in the park, housing a restaurant(serving burgers and crap), an outdoor concert building where various musicians perform during special events at Epcot, a funnel cake stand(funnel cakes) and a show called The American Adventure.

Starting inside a rotunda, you can see the a capella group Voices of Liberty perform a number of patriotic tunes at various points during the day. After climbing the building's second floor(the stairwell decorated with flags throughout the country's history), you are let into the theater and the show begins.

As much as it is "America Is #1 And So Are All These People" the show, it presents a somewhat fair view of the country's history. It's hosted by two of the country's greatest smart-alecks, robot Ben Franklin and robot Mark Twain, it talks about how terrible life was for the first settlers, how violent and bloody the Civil War was and how many natives were slaughtered to make this country what it is today(recounted by robot Chief Joseph).

And then the montage happens. Using this music:



This is the cheesiest thing. Well, at least it's fair. And its got robot Will Rogers.

A new list already?

I go to Walt Disney World twice a year. Living in Florida, it's not hard to reside under the shadow of the Magic Kingdom. Even if you live in Miami, Orlando is only like a four hour drive if you take the highway. It's Central Florida, it's easy to get to from north and south.

But considering I've been there at least once a year since my birth, I have a deep love for the Walt Disney World Resort and the various parks, hotels, shops, water parks, and sports complex that are nestled firmly under the watchful eye of an all-encompassing Mickey Mouse statue, inside which reside the DisneyCorp thought police, ready to imprison you for one unhappy thought(coming March 2030).

But this isn't about the hotels or the shops or the MouseStation MK. II Surveillance Center, this is about the parks. Or more specifically, the rides. Most commonly, the ride begins before you even get in the vehicle. The people at Disney have perfected the ambience and ride experience to a science, a science which has been co-opted by many other parks. So that's what this is about. The best rides, in and out of the actual ride.

So to all who come to this happy place, welcome.

50 Video Game Characters: 1

"I'm-a gonna win!"



1. Wario (Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins)

Nintendo needed a villain for Super Mario Land 2. Tatanga sucked so they obviously weren't going back to that well. Instead they literally went with "Mario. But evil." Then they patted themselves on the back and went to smoke $100 bills.

Somehow the googly-eyed giant evil Mario turned into a landmark character for the company, becoming the star of two of their most absurd franchises: Wario Land and Warioware, both of which explore Wario's only goal in life: To get paid.

As one would expect from the anti-Mario, Wario is everything Mario isn't. He's a selfish, greedy, super macho dude who gets his powers from smelly garlic(as opposed to Mario's mushrooms) and he loves cutting farts. Wario is about as rude as they get, especially when compared to the goody-two-shoes Mario.

But despite his rudeness and greed, Wario isn't evil. The thing about Wario is he would never truly be pure evil like Bowser or Ganon. He's just an incredible bastard on all counts.

He's Nintendo's excuse for fart jokes. And he's the greatest character they've created.

Best moment: At the end of Shake It, Wario(who was promised a literal bottomless bag of coins for rescuing a princess) is given a lovely thank you from the princess of the Shake Dimension. Wario discovers his true feelings for the princess and they walk away into the sunset togeahhahaahaha no I'm joking with you. Instead, he almost violently tosses the princess to the side, just to get to his prize.

It's that sort of goofy crap that Wario pulls that shows both what a complete ass he is and why he's so great. All the other heroes want to save the princess. Wario just wants the gold. He's like a leprechaun. A fat, probably Italian leprechaun.

WAH

50 Video Game Characters: 2

2. Amaterasu (Okami)

The Shinto goddess of the sun. In the body of a white wolf, not dissimilar to the one that banished the demon Orochi some 100 years ago. Golly, what a bizarre coincidence then that someone should open Orochi's seal on the centennial of his defeat.

Well, Orochi starts sucking the life force out of neighboring Kamiki Village and Sakuya, the village's guardian is forced to call down Ammy to defeat the demon. Armed with a celestial brush and accompanied by a sassy tinyman, Amaterasu ventures forth to rid the world of the evil that plagues it once more.

Despite being a literal god, Ammy is incredibly human. Or animal. Or...forget it, she's easy to relate to. Even as a dog. She's incredibly emotive. Dog emotive. As a goddess, she displays a number of motherly qualities, including gentility and kindness.

For being pretty much a dog who can understand people, she's decidedly more complex than most video game characters.

Best moment: Going back in time and changing the past. When Shiranui the white wolf beat Orochi, it sacrificed itself to defeat the demon. Well, Amaterasu rescued Shiranui, so Shiranui returned the favor in the future WHAT.

50 Video Game Characters: 3

"I had a pretty good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic."



3. GLaDOS (Portal)

SHODAN but funny

Best moment: That time when the cak

It would be pretty insulting to just end it there. Yeah, SHODAN had an obviously huge influence on Aperture Science's resident central computer/deadly neurotoxin provider/fuel line de-icer, but Valve had more than just the System Shock rogue AI in mind.

Witty, scathing and sarcastic, GLaDOS redefines passive-aggressive. While her messages are at first simple and informational, time and your unkillability(not a word) wears her down to the point of broadcasting messages meant to confound and insult you, going from friendly to frustrated to apologetic. Endlessly throwing out orphan and fat jokes, claiming you are actually an android. She taunts you by creating and destroying the world around you, trying to stop you from getting any further.

Yet despite all of this, she is absolutely lovable. Whether it be because of her calm voice, her humorous dialogue or just pure Stockholm Syndrome, GLaDOS defies her own villainous demeanor to become a character that just about everyone who plays Portal comes to greatly enjoy.

While her character progression in Portal 2 wasn't necessarily needed, it was more than welcome as it reveals an important part of GLaDOS' personality: the itch. As the central computer, she is driven to test and once a test is completed, an artificial euphoric sensation is emitted for her. Once removed from the enrichment facility, GLaDOS becomes much more civil. She becomes more understanding of the world around her and shows signs of compassion amidst her still incredibly sarcastic demeanor.

I never expected to enjoy GLaDOS becoming a sympathetic character, but it was fantastic.

Best moment: Her incredible acts of selflessness in the end game of Portal 2. Only so she could locate the compassionate part of her personality and promptly delete it.

50 Video Game Characters: 4

"Look at you, hacker. A pathetic creature of meat and bone. Panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect immortal machine?"



4. SHODAN (System Shock)

Created to serve as the AI for TriOp's mining station, Citadel, SHODAN was hacked by the game's protagonist and subsequently lost all ethical restrictions. Before long, she's taunting you and chasing you with her small army of robots and mutated humans.

As much as HAL is the landmark for villainous computers, he is never truly aware of his actions. His mission was to keep going and, damn it, he's going to keep going. SHODAN, meanwhile, is fully aware of what she's doing. Cruel and possessing no true emotions, SHODAN cares about nothing but power.

There are few villains in media that can truly be described as pure evil. SHODAN is one of them.

Best Moment: Her reveal as your guide during the first part of System Shock 2, before she forces you to do her dirty work.

50 Video Game Character: 5

"I've always wanted to be a thug, officially I mean"



5. Max (Sam and Max Hit the Road)

Commonly described as a "hyperkinetic rabbity thing," Max is the little lagomorphic buddy of canine shamus Sam. Together they form the Freelance Police, a duo who solve crimes with complete disregard for the law, humanity and themselves.

While Sam is the brains of the group, possessing a near-encyclopedic knowledge of worthless information, Max is most likely the brawn. Well, not "brawn" so much as the "unhinged cop on the edge". Max loves his gun more than life itself and prefers a more aggressive approach to solving crimes over Sam's more pragmatic approach.

Yet despite his psychotic demeanor and bizarrely short attention span(one time even freaking out that he was standing next to a "giant talking dog"), Max has an unusually keen mind and fantastic observational skills, usually used for interpreting ways to cause chaos during a particular situation.

Even with(and probably because of) all his supremely uninibited tendencies, he remains best buddies with Sam. Incredibly protective and possessive, Max holds his friendship above almost everything else, even if he plans on taking Sam with him when he dies.

Max is, above all else, the perfect representation of pure id: taking whatever instinctual trait his twisted little rabbity brain can think up.

Best moment: Near the beginning of Sam and Max Hit the Road, Sam has to get a message from inside a strangely hydrocephalic cat. While Sam tries every possible solution to coax the cat to hork it up, the only real solution comes when Max shoves his arm down the cat's throat, pulling the message out of him.

50 Video Game Characters: 6

"Mario?"



6. Luigi (Mario Bros.)

Luigi is basically Nintendo's punching bag. Waluigi's only been in party/sports games, yet he seemingly has more respect than the other Mario brother.

But let's observe the facts. Luigi has the possibility to be more athletic than his older, fatter brother. Hell, he already can jump higher. Plus he's shown that, despite all his cowardice, he's got some great courage hiding deep down within him. Just because Mario gets the girl, Luigi's gotta take the backseat?

Poor Luigi.

Best moment: His rad-ass dancing, best on display in Super Smash Bros. Brawl and the first couple Mario Party games.

50 Video Game Characters: 7

"There is nothing more for me to give to you. All that's left for you to take is my life...by your own hand."



7. The Boss (Metal Gear Solid 3)

One of the greatest soldiers of all time, the Boss is the mentor and mother figure of Naked Snake, which I guess also makes her Solid Snake's grandmother??

Raised by the Philosophers and founder of the special ops Cobra Unit, Boss practically invented the modern super soldier, as well as the concept of CQC. So it should come as no surprise that she also laid the groundwork for Big Boss' triple cross.

Working with Snake on the Virtuous Mission back in 1964, Boss was secretly also trying to rub elbows with the USSR's Colonel Volgin via the Philosophers and the US Government. By beating up Snake and returning Sokolov(creator of the proto-Metal Gear, the Shagohod), along with the added incentive of two nuclear warheads supplied by the government, she "defected" to the GRU.

However, Volgin was a crazy lightning man and used one of those warheads to blow up Sokolov's lab. Understanding that this could spell trouble for the USA, Boss' mission was greatly revised: To prove the innocence of America, she must keep up the image of being a traitor. Until her protégé kills her.

One by one, Snake had taken down the Cobra Unit, then Volgin and the Shagohod, and then, finally, The Boss. Dying in a field of white flowers, she explained to Snake the purpose of her mission and how the Philosophers took her child(eventually growing up to become Revolver Ocelot). Finally, she passed two things onto Snake. The first being the true purpose of the Virtuous Mission and Operation Snake Eater: the Philosophers' Legacy. The second, her title. And with it, an existence of endless battle.

The Boss died a traitor and buried as an unknown patriot. A sad end to a life of war.

Best moment: Her tearful final speech before her death.

50 personajes de los videojuegos: 8

"Sólo cerrado una puerta abierta. Impares, sin embargo, un desafío simbólico"



8. Manny Calavera(Grim Fandango)

Manny Calavera es su promedio dura de trabajo. También está la muerte.

Bueno, no es la única muerte. Ya que muchas personas mueren cada día, el Departamento de la Muerte contrata segadores múltiples para escoltar a las muchas almas perdidas del mundo de los vivos a la Tierra de los Muertos. Y no es que Manny incluso quería ser la Muerte, que es el pago de una deuda.

Después de pasar uno de sus clientes compañero de trabajo, Manny se topa con una conspiración por el departamento para mantener los boletos expresa del cliente para el mundo terrenal y el noveno lugar de darles a jefe de la mafia Héctor LeMans.

En el transcurso de un viaje de cuatro años (en el que ganar el control de él cada Novemeber 2, el Día de los Muertos), Manny, acompañado de su mejor amigo y el conductor, un demonio de la velocidad con el nombre de la glotis, y Calomar Mercedes, el cliente Manny robó, trata de completar su trabajo, tanto de Meche llegar al noveno inframundo y los planes para derrocar a Le Mans ".

Encanto de Manny, el ingenio, el acento gallardo español y habilidades para resolver problemas transformarlo de su sombrío espectro normal en un detective de cine negro suave, no importa cuán reacio que sea.

Mejor momento: Al final del año 1, Manny se encuentra en la pequeña ciudad portuaria de Rubacava. En el momento en que lo vemos en noviembre próximo, la ciudad ha crecido considerablemente, gracias en parte a un club nocturno de fresco que Manny se va.

50 Video Game Characters: 8

"I just locked an open door. Strange, yet symbolically compelling"



8. Manny Calavera(Grim Fandango)

Manny Calavera is your average working stiff. Also he's Death.

Well, he's not the only Death. Since so many people die every day, the Department of Death hires multiple Reapers to escort the many lost souls from the living world to the Land of the Dead. And it's not like Manny even wanted to be Death, he's paying off a debt.

After swiping one of his co-worker's clients, Manny stumbles upon a conspiracy by the department to keep express client tickets for the Ninth Underworld and instead give them to mob boss Hector LeMans.

Over the course of a four-year journey(where we gain control of him every Novemeber 2, the Day of the Dead), Manny, accompanied by his best friend and driver, a speed demon by the name of Glottis, and Mercedes Calomar, the client Manny stole, tries to both complete his job of getting Meche to the Ninth Underworld and to topple LeMans' plans.

Manny's charm, wit, dashing Spanish accent and problem-solving skills transform him from your regular grim spectre into a suave film noir detective, no matter how reluctant he may be.

Best moment: At the end of year 1, Manny finds himself in the small port town of Rubacava. By the time we see him next November, the town has grown considerably, thanks in part to a cool nightclub that Manny himself runs.

50 Video Game Characters: 9

"Yes, we all work on the road crew. Our backs are killing us"



9. G-Men (Psychonauts)

Have you seen them? Lurking around the neighborhood? The road crew workers, the helicopter pilots, the assassins, even the grieving widows. All of them, not as they seem. What do they know? What are they looking for? What do they know about the Milkman?

In the watchman's twisted reality, these robotic secret agents lurk everywhere in a seemingly idyllic neighborhood. Seizing and interrogating anyone who walks into their vicinity, it would take only the strongest Psychonaut agent to infiltrate their group. That and a well-timed prop.

The G-Men take control of Boyd's mind searching every nook and cranny for the mysterious Milkman who is the key to something, clearly. Do not trust them, do not trust the Rainbow Squirts, do not even trust yourself.

In this neighborhood, trust is a lie.

Best moment: Practically any time they open their mouths, making generic observations of the personalities they are pretending to be.

50 Video Game Characters: 10

"Groovy!"



10. Earthworm Jim (Earthworm Jim)

Once an ordinary earthworm living in the southern United States, Jim's life changed when intergalactic bounty hunter Psy-Crow accidentally lost an ultra-high-tech-indestructible-super-space-cyber-suit that landed in Jim's area. Fleeing a flock of hungry birds, he sought refuge in the closest hiding place he could find: the suit. The powerful atomic particles of the super suit caused Jim to grow and evolve at an alarming rate and thus intergalactic space hero Jim was born.

It's hard not to appreciate Jim for what he is at face value. He's extremely silly and that's how he was designed. I'm not going to go in great detail about why Earthworm Jim is, because he's one of those characters you see and immediately enjoy. It's a worm in a space suit with a big raygun. What more do you want?

Best moment: His transformation into Blind Sally the cave salamander in the bizarre and beautiful Villi People level of Earthworm Jim 2. Basically I could just put "Villi People" and everyone who played the game would understand.

50 Video Game Characters: 11

"I've learned something...I'm not living unless I'm in battle"



11. Big Boss/Naked Snake (Metal Gear)

A young ex-Green Beret by the name of John, codenamed "Naked Snake," is tasked with extracting defecting Soviet scientist Nikolai Sokolov. Later on, he betrays his clone son by trying to kill him with a Metal Gear. Then he hugs him when they're both old, and then he dies.

Oh yeah, some stuff happened in between that was sort of important. As important as Solid Snake is to the Metal Gear universe, Naked Snake is probably even more so. He starts as our mentor Big Boss in the original Metal Gear game before he reveals Outer Heaven was his idea to begin with, so soldiers always have a place to fight, a Militaires Sans Frontieres, if you will. Snake is forced to kill his traitorous mentor. Then he comes back a second time and he has to be killed again. Then he reappeared in Metal Gear Solid 4, still alive. The man is practically unkillable.

But hey flashback to 1964 and Big Boss is just Naked Snake, being forced to do the same thing his son did: kill his mentor. On Operation: Snake Eater, he's betrayed by the Boss and is charged with finding and killing her. By the time the deed is done, he's got a new title and has lost an eye. Over the course of a couple more games, Big Boss creates an army and forms what would become Outer Heaven. Somewhere down the line, he loses a screw and goes overboard with it.

Or does he? Turns out, he was forming an army and Metal Gearing up to stage a coup against his former boss, Major Zero, who he formed the Patriots with. In the end, he was just sacrificing himself as a scapegoat to stop a dangerous power.

And we shot him in the face with rockets.

Best moment: His heartbreaking salute to the grave of an unknown patriot.

50 Video Game Characters: 12

12. Big Daddy (Bioshock)

Lurking beneath the waters of the Atlantic Ocean lay the city of Rapture. Inside said city resides frightening monsters in deformed diving suits. This is the Big Daddy.

Heavily spliced and physically grafted to their antique atmospheric armor, Big Daddies were once human, but whatever once made them human has been stripped from them. Their bodies changed in horrific ways, their vocal chords ripped so they can only emit a whale song-like noise and, of course, mentally conditioned to protect the ADAM harvesting Little Sister.

Rosies, Bouncers, Alpha series, all Big Daddies present a physical representation of the paradoxical morality of Rapture and Bioshock itself. Andrew Ryan's desire to free himself and others from the shackles of government and church oppression lead to the creation of the Big Daddies, humans which are mindlessly enslaved to assist Little Sisters(also programmed, to harvest from corpses) in the collection of ADAM.

Yet when playing as an Alpha series in Bioshock 2, pair-bonded to Eleanor Lamb, the Big Daddy-Little Sister relationship becomes almost simultaneously more alien and more human. Subject Delta needs Eleanor to live, that's how his body was conditioned. Suddenly, living as a Daddy, you understand why they did what they did. It's not just programming, it's caring. Sure, for Subject Delta it's a literal and metaphorical bonding to his Little Sister, the child he looks after, but the other Big Daddies don't have pair bonding. So why do they look after just one Little Sister? It's caring. Because it's still human.

Beneath the Atlantic Ocean is Rapture. Inside Rapture is the Big Daddy. And inside the Big Daddy, is a person.

Best moment: The shocking transformation you take near the end of Bioshock 1, where you explore the compound that creates the Big Daddy. And you become one yourself.

50 Video Game Characters: 13

"Get a load of this!"



13. Dr. Robotnik (Sonickal Hedgeman)

Sonic the Hedgehog is a destructive force of nature. Aside from being faster than the human eye, once thought a scientific impossibility for a creature his size, he is also a vicious eco-terrorist, going to any means to destroy all of Ivo Robotnik's(alias Dr. Eggman) technological advancements.

Despite Robotnik attempting to further Mobius'(or Earth or wherever the fuck) into the 21st century, Sonic, like a violent Luddite, seeks to destroy all that he, as a hedgehog, does not and refuses to understand. And even when Robotnik tries to make something for all, like a family themed park dubbed Eggmanland, Sonic still barges in and destroys it all before it can be opened for the public to enjoy.

Effortlessly marching forward, Robotnik ceases to give up, much like his grandfather Gerald, a forefather of bioengineering. Persevere, Ivo, your time will come soon enough.

Best moment:

50 Video Game Characters: 14

14. King Dedede (Kirby's Dream Land)

The monarchy of Nintendo games seem to differ greatly from the standard monarchy. I'm not sure what duties the King of the Koopas is meant to perform, but it's probably...I dunno, turtley? I'm gonna go with turtley.

Regardless, Dedede is a penguin and he rules Dream Land somehow. Does he come from a long line of penguin kings or did he stage or coup to overthrow the previous king? Was the previous king a tern? I'm delving too deep into Kirby canon.

Much in the same way that Kirby is a lawful glutton, eating all he sees to further the cause of good(and because he likes food), Dedede is an evil glutton. Arrogant and greedy, Dedede began his semi-antagonistic streak by feeding his appetite through forcing his army of Waddle Dees, Bronto Burts, Gordos, etc. to snatch up all the food in Dream Land.

While Dedede may seem like purely a bad guy, he is a lot deeper of a character than he seems. Despite his flaws, he is determined to protect Dream Land for his people, going so far as to break apart the Star Rod and gaining full control of the Fountain of Dreams. While this would at first seem like another selfish act, as it left the citizens unable to dream, Dedede had actually done this to keep the people from experiencing the monstrous Nightmares living within the Fountain. Also he's been possessed a lot.

So for all his scheming and dickishness, Dedede is a p. cool guy. The p stands for penguin. He's penguin cool.

Best moment: That thing he does where he sucks in air and floats around. That's p. cool. That p stands for pretty.

50 Video Game Characters: 15

"Humans were never meant to bring each other happiness. From the moment we are thrown into this world, we bring each other nothing but pain and misery"



15. Psycho Mantis (Metal Gear Solid)

Every member of FOXHOUND was a bit different. Sure, Sniper Wolf was an expert at long-range battle and Revolver Ocelot could do the spinny thing, but Psycho Mantis? Dude was the master of mindfuckery. He will destroy you without ever having to see you or touch you.

A former KGB agent, Mantis moved to the States after the collapse of the Soviet Union. He found work in the FBI, where he would probe the minds of suspected killers to judge whether or not they committed the crime. He eventually dove too deep and went insane, and a psychotic psychic is probably the worst thing to ever be a thing.

Mantis was a beast on all levels, attacking both physically and mentally. Even unstoppable in death, Mantis was able to harness his psychic abilities as a part of Screaming Mantis' brain and is even shown behind the lady Mantis, presumably pulling the strings.

Psycho Mantis presented the player with something they had never seen before: a villain who not only was bent on beating the protagonist, but on beating you, the player, as well. He knows you're pulling the strings and he wants to stop it.

Best moment: His numerous mind tricks where he

50 Video Game Characters: 16

"I'm selling these fine leather jackets"



16. Guybrush Threepwood (The Secret of Monkey Island)

Have you met someone so inept, so monumentally clumsy, that their own awkwardness comes off as charming? Because that's Guybrush Threepwood.

With a name derived half from his sprite file and half from a P.G. Wodehouse character, Guybrush plays the role of the protagonist throughout the Monkey Island games, evolving from inept teenager with dreams of being a mighty pirate into an inept mighty pirate with better problem solving skills than swordfighting. While he tends to get into a lot of danger(as is such with the pirate life), he luckily can rely on his much more skilled significant other, pirate governess Elaine Marley, to get him out of scrapes.

What he lacks in grace, he makes up in brains. Kind of. More often than not, he defeats the ghost pirate LeChuck through sheer luck and usually by accident at that. While LeChuck may see him as a threat, the rest of us treat Guybrush as the bumbling swashbuckler(swashbumbler) that he is.

Best moment: Any time he gets to show off his unparalelled skills in the art of insult fighting.

50 Video Game Characters: 17

17. Pyramid Head (Silent Hill 2)

Fear is one of those things that could be considered a great unifier. Whether it be a fear of heights, the dark, or just the unknown, we are all afraid of something. Well, what if our fears could manifest themselves into our greatest nightmares? Unfortunately for James Sunderland, his guilt has caused him to come to the town of Silent Hill and those fears are about to become more real than he can ever imagine.

The meanest of those is Pyramid Head, a massive hulking pale monster with a triangular helmet. A creature representing James' desire for punishment and his guilt over the death of his wife. While other monsters have a more feminine appearance, Pyramid Head is undoubtedly masculine. A manly tormentor hellbent on punishing James for his misdeeds.

Best moment: The brutal rape and murder of two Mannequins in his first appearance. It's a frightening scene that solidifies that not only is he a beastly monster, he's also powerful enough to overtake other monsters.

50 Video Game Characters: 18

"Okay...the key to surviving situations like this is to avoid phrases like, 'it's too quiet in here' or 'everything's going to be alright'."



18. Captain Qwark (Ratchet and Clank)

There is an old saying, "There's no such thing as bad publicity." Captain Qwark is the living embodiment of that. Qwark will do anything for cash and fame, even if it means siding with the forces of evil.

But of course, beneath the machismo and feats of daring do that he does, is a coward. A wolf in hero's clothing. Well, not really a wolf, per se. While Qwark is a deluded, selfish butt, he's just trying to save himself. By any means necessary.

Qwark does eventually come to terms with his cowardice and, while he's still a big dumb weenie, he realizes he should at least side with the good guys instead of trying to save his hide with baddies. For being a big dumb moron in green spandex, Qwark isn't a bad guy, really. He's just careful. And dumb. Really, really dumb.

Best moment: His myraid of uninspired disguises, most famously Steve McQwark, which is just a fake moustache.

50 Video Game Characters: 19

"Now I know you blind, man - but you gotta see this"



19. Carl Johnson (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas)

Growing up in gang-infested Los Santos, Carl "CJ" Johnson had no choice but to be wrapped up in the Grove Street Families business. But after the death of his brother Brian, CJ resolved to get out at age 18, moving to Liberty City on the east coast. But after the death of his mom(s)(notice a pattern forming?) five years later, Carl is forced back for the funeral and after seeing drugs running rampant in his city, he decides to stay and help out the Family.

Over the course of the game, Carl goes from small-time hoodlum, robbing houses and shooting rival gangs, to some big time shit. He manages a rapper(who's career he ruined earlier), he robs a casino in a big time heist, he invades a secret govenment facility for a jetpack. San Andreas, if you haven't gathered yet, is a pretty wild game, especially if you consider past game, which didn't have much diversity in terms of activity and vehicles.

Speaking of diversity, Carl Johnson is also a fairly positive depiction of a black man. At least in video games, where most of them are mainly gangsters. I mean yeah Carl is still a gangster but he aims not to bring people down, but to bring them up. To get rid of drugs and bring the GSF back together and all that good shit. Plus he's more of a step up in terms of character than previous GTA protagonists(an angry, unlikeable Italian and a nondescript mute white guy) and it gave Rockstar the go ahead to put more diversification into the game. Since then we've had a boring Serbian man, a Jewish biker and a Dominican bodyguard/business partner to a fairly non-stereotypical gay nightclub owner. Good on you guys.

Best moment: Basically planning to rob a casino for 1/3rd of the entire damn game all by himself. That takes some fucking brains.

50 Video Game Characters: 20

"Oh, all right, Uncle Ulty REALLY want you to paint his portrait!"



20. Ultros (Final Fantasy VI)

Kefka may be a jester, but Ultros is the only real clown in FF6. I mean look at him. He is a giant purple octopus. And he can talk.

Ultros pops up from time to time in the game as a recurring boss, showing up to chew the ear off the heroes, both figuratively and literally as Ultros is very carnivorous and desires the taste of human taste. As well as a different kind of flesh, since he often has his eyes on the ladies in the party.

It's not often a character like him appears in a Final Fantasy game. As a comic character who provides a light comic air to his parts of the game, but as a boss, he's not to be take lightly. Fierce, funny, freakish. That's Uncle Ulty.

Best moment: His final appearance at the Coliseum, acting as receptionist. He's got debts to pay, just like the rest of us.

50 Video Game Characters: 21

"I may be 32, but I still believe I'm a fairy!"



21. Tingle (The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask)

who the fuck let you in

Tingle is an odd character. He's a short, tubby man who believes he's a fairy and shows it by wearing a skintight green bodysuit. He also has a weird fixation on gems, whether they be rupees, force gems or kinstones.

Tingle is just...Tingle. He's this weird little man who seems so out of place in the Zelda universe. But he's there. Whether it be in alternate universe Termina, selling maps for his father's business, or the Hyrule of the far-flung future, running his own weird little island. Tingle is eternal. And he can't be stopped.

And his father is ashamed of him.

Best moment: When you talk to his brothers turning the wheel on Tingle Island, one of them reveals that he's not related Tingle. He was shipwrecked and is being forced into labor. So Tingle isn't only a weird creep but also owns a human being.

You didn't land on Tingle Island, David Jr. Tingle Island landed on you.

50 Video Game Characters: 22

"I am only a man."



22. Commander Video (Bit.Trip Beat)

From birth comes death. From all, nothing. From beat, life. There is the rub. It is all inevitability. Simply.

To understand one's self, one must delve deeper than the surface. One must explore the core of what makes us all. The drive, the fear, the hope, the fury, the sorrow, the pain, the joy, the end.

But what of when the sorrow overtakes our bodies? What then, when the void fills us? Do you we simply fold like laundry or do we explode, whether it be inward or outward? We press on, we grow older.

Like a long-distance runner, time is ever moving, never stopping. We age, we move, we continue forward eternally.

Eternally, that is, until we reach what must be the end. A life resigned to fate. The end. It is unstoppable, inevitable.

Life is forever, from birth until death, in a constant state of flux. From on end of the cycle to the next. And where do we part from there? Another life, a soul inhabiting one corporeal frame to the next? An eternity in paradise or damnation?

There is none. There is only. Letting go.

Life is.

Simply.






doctor videogames here is the mascot for the bit dort trip games and why the fr*ck is he pixels he's from 2009 this some bullshit.

50 Video Game Characters: 23

"It's all part of the plan"




23. Revolver Ocelot (Metal Gear Solid)

The son of the Boss, Adamska rose through the ranks to become the Major in his own specialized Spetsnaz team dubbed "Ocelot unit." He's kind of a smug jerk and also totally in love with Naked Snake(ocelot x snake squeeee lolz). Major Ocelot grew to appreciate the power of the revolver after a suggestion from his crush that he should use the gun instead of the standard Makarov handgun. Oh also he was a triple agent and weird shit and whatever who cares.

Flash forward like 40 years and Revolver Ocelot is now super evil and also insane. Dude does so much weird shit now that he's an old man and harassing Naked Snake's clone son. He developed a torture fetish from his days in Russia, he starts calling himself Shalashaska, he pretends to absorb Liquid Snake's essence into his arm, he does this thing:



And through it all, he gets more done that the fucking protagonist. He is, for lack of a better understanding, better than Solid Snake.

Over the course of the Metal Gear Solid series, Revolver Ocelot is the only character that truly becomes as outrageous as the story is. Sure, Raiden and Snake and Otacon are running around pretending this all makes sense, but Ocelot just goes batshit nuts.

Best moment: