Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Saying Goodbye

Looks like I'm done. Huh.

Well, thanks for reading this month, I guess. If you want some sources, I used the Muppet Wiki and Progressive Boink's list of best Muppets.

I'm probably going to take a little break until December starts. I still don't even know what I'm gonna write about next month, but whatever(BUT IF YOU GUYS HAVE IDEAS).

But until then...

The Letter Z

Hold on to your seat/I'm warning you in advance/It's the zany zesty zippy ziggy zig zag dance

Also this Z picture:

That's Stephen Colbert as Z.


Zoe is girl Elmo. Read about Elmo then color him orange and put jewelery on him. That's Zoe. Prairie Dawn isn't on as much because of Zoe.

This is all I will say about Zoe.


Completing the Electric Mayhem (and this month) is Zoot, the band's saxophonist. Zoot is, more or less, a washed-up old musician. A 50 year-old burnout playing with Dr. Teeth's band for cash. In addition to his job in the house band, he plays in the pit as a member of The Muppet Orchestra.

Originally Zoot had plenty of lines, but Dave Goelz always had trouble finding a voice for the character. He liked Zoot, but he couldn't get the voice down. Goelz ended up giving away the character lines and developed Zoot as the one around today: The man of few words, who would rather express himself through his music than through words.

Also Zoot serves as a point of confusion to me. The Electric Mayhem is supposed to be a conventional rock band(or psychadelic or something), right? I mean, all the other members play instruments that are common to rock: the guitar, bass, drums, keyboard. So what purpose does a saxophonist have as a member of this band? And it's not just Zoot. They've also had a trumpet player and two different banjo players.

Maybe I think too much about Muppets. But then again that's why I did these posts month, right?

The Letter W

Oh, what is the letter we love?/What sound are we extra fond of?/It's not any trouble you/Know it's a W/When you say "wuh, wuh, wuh"

Wayne and Wanda

Sometimes to make me laugh, you just have to have someone get hurt. And essentially that was the entire gist of Wayne and Wanda. Sam Eagle introduces them as a wholesome act, they start singing a song, then some shit happens. They'll sing "Trees" and a tree will fall on Wayne, they'll sing "On A Clear Day You Can See Forever" and a factory in the distance will cause a fuckload of smoke to cloud the scene.

It's not really that good and they were only ever in the first season before The Muppet Show found its ground, but you know what? It was still funny. Schadenfreude is a funny thing.

Waldo C. Graphic

Waldo is an interesting Muppet. Billed as the "spirit of 3D," Waldo is a fully-CGI Muppet, controlled by a motion-capture device that sort of looks like a mitten.

This might easily sound like some soulless Muppet created last year by Disney(the same one that closed the traditional 2D animation department) for the Muppet company, but it was actually designed back in the mid-80s when Jim Henson was experimenting with creating digital characters.

Waldo was handy since, in addition to being able to interact with other Muppets thanks to the magic of digitally inserting characters, he was able to transform into anything the situation called for. While serving as demographics expert on the short-lived Jim Henson Hour, he transformed into, among other things, a hat, a powersaw and a teenage girl.

If you've been to Hollywood Studios in Walt Disney World, he serves as the antagonist for Muppetvision 3D, where he messes up the presentation of the new 3D technology by destroying Sam's glorious 3 hour finale(whittled down to a minute and a half) named "A Salute To All Nations But Mostly America."

The Letter T

In case you couldn't tell the purpose of this picture. Well tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which starts with a T. So instead of a picture of the letter T, I put a Thanksgiving turkey. And - okay I'll stop now.

Two-Headed Monster

Many times the best way to learn a new word is to say it out loud, repeating the syllables phonetically. The best way to get over a problem with another person is to cooperate until said problem is solved. Sesame Street decided the best way to teach that to children is to have a monster with two heads yell at each other in gibberish.

Much in the same way Jim Henson and Frank Oz were paired because they worked so well together, so were Jerry Nelson and Richard Hunt. That's partly the whole reason Janice and Floyd are portrayed as a couple, because Hunt (Janice) and Nelson (Floyd) always had excellent chemistry. It's probably most apparent with the Two-Headed Monster.

In the end, the Two-Headed Monster usually end up saying the word or getting their job done. But there's a lot of shenanigans that go along with it.


Originally looking like this:

Telly was designed as a monster obsessed with television(hence the name). Eventually Sesame Street writers realized this wouldn't carry on for too long and also OG Telly looks really freaky. Look at him, he has antennae coming out of his head and crazy hypno-eyes. So they dropped that whole idea and simply turned him into an overly-neurotic and easily frustrated monster.

Telly is, like most other Muppets, somewhat of an individual. He has more musical talent than just about anyone else on Sesame Street, playing the triangle, the bassoon and his favorite instrument, the tuba. He's even the only Muppet to ever perform with Itzhak Perlman. His favorite shape is the triangle and he recently embarked on an Indiana Jones-style adventure where he searched for the mystic Golden Triangle of Destiny.

Telly, in addition to his panicky nature, also seems to be somewhat of a masochist, as he always wants to be friends with Oscar. Oscar, of course, can certainly do without anyone's friendship and is more than eager to tell Telly to scram. Despite all of Oscar's attempts to drive him away, Telly keeps trying. He's even a loyal, long-time charter member of the Grouchketeers.

I can not relate with Telly as he is paranoid, easily frustrated and constantly seeking companionship. There is just no way we are alike in any way.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Letter S, Part 2


Like Robin, Scooter is one of the younger members of the Muppet Show cast and crew(Richard Hunt said that the character of 14 year-old Scooter comes from how he remembers his own voice and personality at that age). Scooter serves as the show's gofer (although not an actual gopher, Scooter claims his mother was a parrot and he never knew his dad, which is really creepy considering he's more human-like than most Muppets), hired for his efficiency as an aide and also because his uncle, J.P. Grosse, owns Muppet Theater.

As with virtually every other member of The Muppet Show, Scooter occasionally pulls double duty as an actor, singing songs like "There's A New Sound" and performing characters like the son in a production of "Jabberwocky."

Unlike other Muppets, Scooter frequently liked Fozzie's god awful jokes. As a matter of fact, with the exception of Kermit, Fozzie performed most with Scooter in acts like "Simon Smith and His Amazing Dancing Bear" and "The Telephone Pole Bit." So, I mean, it's good someone finds Fozzie easy to deal with.

Statler and Waldorf

Two crotchety old men take the piss out of almost every Muppet Show sketch. Half the time it's funnier than the actual sketch itself. That's partly what made The Muppet Show so smart. Statler and Waldorf, the show's biggest critics, were basically written as a way to shut up any harsh critics of the actual show. It's like how on "The Simpsons" Comic Book Guy would sometimes complain about whatever would happen regarding some fictional thing in the Simpsons universe and just end up looking like a hilariously big dork. It's like that but instead of a dork, Statler and Waldorf are hilariously big pissants.

Basically, it's some puppets watching something they hate and mocking it. It's a Mystery Science Theater before Mystery Science Theater was even an idea in Joel Hodgson's mind(not that I'm taking anything from MST3K which is one of my favorite shows). However, unlike Joel and the Bots, Statler and Waldorf are free to not watch it. They just like shitting all over everyone's good time and having a friendly laugh about it.

In conclusion, I have a love/hate relationship with this show (oh yeah?) Yeah, I love to hate it! Dohhh ho ho ho ho ho!

Sam the Eagle

The Muppet Show is, for lack of a better word, a cesspit. Filled to the brim with the lunatics, the morally unjust and, worst of all, weirdos. Thank our one nation under God that an upstanding American eagle to uphold classic American values of censorship and culture.

More than anything Sam is a giant foam rubber middle finger at the square right of the 60s and 70s. Henson's super-hippie nature and mischieviousness made sure that Sam wouldn't be outright offensive but just the right amount of dickishness to get the point across while still being hilarious. Sam serves as the Muppet Show's self-appointed censor and cultural expert.

Despite his claim to be an expert on wholesome culture, his knowledge is very limited. Once claiming Beethoven as his favorite playwright and not noticing his favorite ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev(who he initially thought was an opera singer) and ejecting him from the theater.

Sam is divorced and has two kids, both in college. One is studying taxidermy and the other is dating an owl. He would rather not talk about any of this.

Swedish Chef

Yorn desh born, der ritt de gitt der gue, Orn desh, dee born desh, de umn børk! børk! børk!
The star of his own Muppet Show segment, The Swedish Chef is all kinds of fucking awesome. He's a chef who speaks mock Swedish(that was once translated into Chinese) with human hands clacking everything around whose specialty dish is spaghetti and is frequently confused over how to make certain food items (once trying to make chocolate mousse with a brown colored moose).

One time he made pancakes. When he flipped them, they got stuck on the cieling so he SHOT THEM DOWN WITH A FUCKING GUN. Can you fucking believe that shit? Who the hell does that kind of thing? In A Muppet Family Christmas, he was this close to cooking Big Bird for Christmas dinner.

According to Muppet lore, The Swedish Chef segments were the only sketches that didn't need canned laughter as the crew would find visit the set whenever the scene was happening and laugh so loud that they could just forgo it.

The Swedish Chef is one of my absolute favorite Muppets. This should be for obvious reasons.

Børk børk, you guys.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Letter S, Part 1

There are a whole lot of important Muppets that begin with S, apparently. So I had to split it into two pieces.

Do you know the sound/Of Sammy the Snake?/Well, the sound of the letter S/Is the sound I make


A long time ago, the godlike UrSkeks, in an attempt to perfect themselves, literally divided into two parts. One was the four-armed Mystics, who took on the sorrows of the world and resembled hippie turtles.

The other half of the UrSkeks were the embodiment of their own evil, the Skeksis, a group of wicked vulture-like creatures who practice dark magic to protect the mystical dark crystal from being rejoined (which would in turn make the UrSkeks whole again).

In between casting evil spells and hating everything, the Skekis frequently talk like Yoda while bobbing up and down.

The Sinclair Family

In 61,000,003 BC, dinosaurs were exactly as you'd expect. There were giant lumbering beasts who lived in swamps and ate their young. But 1 million years later, they had evolved. Living like you and me, maintaining families, watching television, earning paychecks. They were humans, just larger and scalier.

Dinosaurs was, more or less, a parody of family sitcoms and also a full-on family sitcom. It concerned the Sinclair family, working man Earl Sinclair, a megalosaurus, and his wife Fran, an allosaurus (voiced by Lucille Bluth). Together they have raised a family of three children: Robbie, Charlene, and the baby named Baby.

While there were plenty of Henson-esque slapstick gags(the most popular being the fact that Baby Sinclair would frequently hit Earl over the head because he lacked a vagina and was thusly not the mother), Dinosaurs actually went deeper than that. It had satire and social commentary(an episode about war branded it as a pointless affair and the whole two-part episode was even touted as an "epic miniseries"). And just like in every other Henson project, it was able to retain heart and was able to make jokes for kids and adults without resorting to Dreamworks-style shit jokes.

Dinosaurs is like the baby, you gotta love it. Or at least try to because if you don't you'll get whacked with a frying pan or something.


For the most part to be a Muppet, you need to talk. It's very hard to be a puppet throwing banana cream pies and running around, arms flailing, and not make noise. The wackiness necessitates at least some modicum of yelling. Slimey, however, is one of the few mute Muppets.

One of the few things Oscar loves in this world, his pet worm has always been his faithful friend. And despite his small stature and quiet nature, he's accomplished more than most other worms ever have, most famously taking part in a space program and being the first worm ever to walk on the moon.

When not being blasted to space, Slimey enjoys taking mud baths when he's feeling too clean and reading books, his favorite being the adventures of space hero Trash Gordon (played, of course, by the actual Gordon).

Obligatory adorable Slimey fact: The first time Slimey and Oscar met was when Oscar went to the park on a rainy day to see the mud puddles and found one with a lot of worms playing in it. He then saw a baby worm playing by himself, who saw Oscar and crawled up his shoulder and fell asleep. Oscar took the worm back to his trash can and named him Slimey. Awwwwww.

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Letter R

Now me show you letter R/Letter R make sound like "ruh"/And me not going to eat it/But me really wish me were.


For all the failure of The Muppet Show, for when Fozzie tells a bad joke or Kermit can't keep the show together, there's Rowlf.

Rowlf was the first ever nationally well-known Muppet, appearing as a regular on The Jimmy Dean Show for 3 years. Rowlf and Jimmy would participate in a sketch that usually ended with a duet. In addition to spreading the word about the Muppets, Rowlf was one of the first chances for Jim Henson to develop an original character over a course of time and it also brought a steady source of income that helped him fund other projects.

Rowlf later moved on to the Muppet Theater to perform with his friends as the show's pianist, playing and singing solos and duets. He sometimes even sat in the pit with the orchestra and played with the Electric Mayhem. Other than his musical prowess, he was also an adept comedic actor, playing the role of Dr. Bob in Veterinarian's Hospital.

Before moving out to Hollywood, Rowlf was a piano player at The Terrace Restaurant where he first met Kermit, stood up for a date. Rowlf gives a depressed Kermit his motto "stay away from women," but he even can't follow that. To cheer him up, he performs a classic "can't live with em, can't live without em" tune called "I Hope That Something Better Comes Along."

He also once sang "What A Wonderful World" to a cocker spaniel puppy and it was the most adorable thing.


Rosita es un monstruo peludo azul que habla español. In a pre-Dora The Explorer age, it was a rarity to teach another language to English speaking children, but even back in 1991 it was more or less becoming a necessity.

Enter Rosita, la Monstrua de las Cuevas(or Rosita, Monster of the Caves). Rosita was originally designed as a fruit bat, with giant swaths of fur beneath her as wings, but the idea was eventually scrapped. For three years, she presented the daily Spanish Word of the Day segment along with Luis, Maria, Gabi and, for whatever reason, Grover.

She has an extended family, including many cousins, her abuela(who only speaks Spanish). She also has a mama and papa. Her father, Ricardo, had served in the military and was disabled during his time in the service, leaving him in a wheelchair.

¡Rosita está muy buena!


How one rat from one episode of The Muppet Show became one of the major players in the Muppet repetoire is beyond me, but I'll be damned if Rizzo didn't make it.

Slowly turning into a frequent background character by the last season of The Muppet Show, Rizzo got his big break when Jerry Juhl paired Steve Whitmire's wise-ass rat with Gonzo in Muppet Christmas Carol. While Gonzo played Charles Dickens, appearing throughout the special as the narrator, Rizzo simply came along for the ride, stating that he was "here for the food."

Even since Muppet Christmas Carol, Gonzo and Rizzo have been partners in crime, frequently paired as best friends. Rizzo commonly playing foil to Gonzo's general weirdness.

He's a hardened rat with a thick New York accent and the best Steve Whitmire creation.

Roosevelt Franklin

Hail to thee our alma mama. Roosevelt Franklin...Elementary School (Elementary School!)!
Roosevelt Franklin was black. His skin may have been purple, but he was unequivocally, undeniably, and(most importantly) unapologetically black. Matt Robinson, writer and producer on Sesame Street(who also played the original Gordon), created and performed Roosevelt unlike any other Muppet. He was a streetwise, jive-talking kid who may not have been too cool for school, but was cool enough to have the school named after him and to teach his fellow classmates.

Roosevelt Franklin was a black kid in a black neighborhood with a black family and black friends. For all the Muppets children could look up to, Roosevelt gave black kids someone to look at and say "he's like me." He would scat and talk jive and taught his classmates about pride and respect and family. He was unafraid to be black. To be who he was. And he knew he was never going to give that up.

But sometimes things can't work out that way. Sometimes people can't find positivity in someone being themselves. By the end of the 70s Roosevelt Franklin was gone after being pushed off due to a series of letters complaining he was a negative stereotype. Sometimes things can be too much for people.

Godspeed, Roosevelt Franklin. You didn't land on Sesame Street, Sesame Street landed on you.


I've never been very tall. Anyone who knows me can tell you that. Sometimes it's really hard to go noticed when you're small and quiet and it can make you feel a little unappreciated, no matter how good of a person you are.

Robin, Kermit's young nephew, is a kind and incredibly clever little frog who frequently feels sad that his small stature leaves him hard to see. He originally starred in "The Frog Prince" as Sir Robin the Brave, a prince turned into a small frog who embarks on a quest to save a princess and regain his human form. Soon he joined the cast of The Muppet Show, initially as just a young frog, but was soon turned into Kermit's nephew in one special song.

When Robin was afraid nobody appreciated him, guest Bernadette Peters sang him a song called "Just One Person." The song was all about if one person believes in you and is there for you, other people will join and do the same. Eventually, before you know it, you'll believe in yourself, too.

On November 21, 1990, CBS aired The Muppets Celebrate Jim Henson. Fozzie is charged by Kermit(through postcard) with putting on a show in honor of Henson, but none of the Muppets know who he is. Near the end of the show, the tribute contains whoopie cushions, Vikings and marching accountants until Fozzie finds a stack of letters addressed to Kermit. The letters all express condolences for Henson's death and then...then this happens.

Jerry Nelson has never been as noticed as Henson or Frank Oz or Kevin Clash(much like how Robin was always shadowed by his co-stars). He was usually relegated to playing high-voiced background characters(one of the few exceptions being Count Von Count), but Robin was always special. The young melancholy frog was always pure innocence

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Letter P

There's peanuts, pears and popcorn./There's pickles, peppers, peas./There's pineapples and peaches,/and potatoes if you please./There's pizza, pie, there's pancakes/and pudding as a treat. Puh-puh-puh-puh./P is my favorite letter,/'Cause of all those foods to eat.


"What my father figured out was if you can't get out, you just either blow something up, or you eat something, or you just throw penguins in the air." - Brian Henson.

In the Muppet world there are a select few animals who remain in a non-anthropomorphic state (well, less anthropomorphic). I mean, you've got a pig karate-chopping people and a bear who's telling jokes running around the set. You need some sort of stability to balance out the insanity.

The first penguin puppet was actually created by a young Brian Henson for The Muppet Show. Named Winky Pinkerton, he would perform bird calls and appeared throughout the third season until a group of penguins showed up near the end of that season.

Since then, penguins appear everywhere in both Muppet Theater and on Sesame Street. Never speaking, only quacking, waddling around, doing various things. They play music (even in full orchestras), they fire cannons, run around, play sports. The penguins are truly quacks of all trades.

Prairie Dawn

Wise beyond her years, Prairie Dawn is the most efficient 7 year-old ever. Mature, level-headed and frequently flustered by her wackier neighbors, Prairie loves writing and directing school pageants for her friends, mainly Bert, Ernie, Herry, Grover and Cookie Monster. Despite mainly being quiet and sweet-natured, Prairie aspires in a career in broadcasting or journalism.

Recently, Zoe and Abby Cadabby have been introduced to Sesame Street because there wasn't enough female influence and girls didn't have a character to look up to. On a show where there are characters for whites, blacks, hispanics, asians, muppets, monsters and cows, someone decided that Sesame Steet had no girls. Someone forgot about the determined career girl that is Prairie Dawn.

Even though she's a girl and more than half my age, when I grow up I wanna be Prairie Dawn. She's got her act together.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Letter O

Would you like to buy an O?/Round and neat/A nearly perfect circle/Tidy and complete

Oscar the Grouch

Green, surly and covered in disgusting fur, Oscar is living the dream. Or would be if everyone on Sesame Street would just leave him alone. You see, it's every Grouch's dream to be as miserable and grouchy as possible and to pass that feeling on to everyone else, and Oscar, being a Grouch, is understandably perenially pissed.

Oscar, forever 43 just as Big Bird is forever 6 and Elmo is forever 3, lives next to the stoop of 123 Sesame Street in filthy trash can. He loves trash(as displayed in the song "I Love Trash") and almost never parts with it to the point of Oscar almost never leaving his beloved trash can. In the times when he does has to move, he enlists his chauffer, a sanitation worker named Bruno.

The inspirations for Oscar came from two different places, one as explained in Sesame Street Unpaved, "as inspired by a nasty waiter from a restaurant called Oscar's Tavern in Manhattan. Jim Henson and Jon Stone were waited on by a man who was so rude and grouchy that he surpassed annoying and started to actually amuse both Jim and Jon. They were so entertained that going to Oscar's Tavern became a sort of masochistic form of luncheon entertainment for them, and their waiter forever became immortalized as the world's most famous Grouch." While Oscar's character was created in unlikely circumstances with an awful waiter, his voice came from a very simple situation. Carol Spinney, still stuck on a voice for the character, was on his way to the Sesame Street set for his first day as Oscar when he got into a cab. The taxi driver, with his heavy Bronx accent, said "Where to, mac?" and the voice just got stuck in Spinney's head, so when he went to perform as the Grouch, the accent stuck with the old urban grump.

Despite his terminal grouchiness, Oscar still has to deal with admiration, something he obviously hates. Whether it be from the loyal Grouchketeers or from Telly and Elmo, who think Oscar is a friend, all Oscar wants is to be left alone. Well, that's actually not true because Oscar hates being alone, because then there is no one for him to harass. His favorite targets seem to be the impressionable Big Bird(who he once told that Santa doesn't come to Sesame Street because "the chimneys are too small") and Maria(who he loves to fluster by insulting other cast members).

Oscar came into the world as a way for kids to experience a fun use of non-destructive anarchy and for 40 years has been the first real example of the internet troll for children. He has stayed at that same stoop since he was an orange bastard in Episode 1 of Sesame Street and has grown to have hundreds of cousins all across the globe, including my favorite, Moishe Oofnik, the Israeli Grouch who lives in a car on Rechov Sumsum. Oscar and his kin will forever be the favorite meanies of kids all over.

Okay? Now scram!

The Letter N

In a cold and far-off place/There was a lower-case N./Lonely and cold, she would stare off into space/And it was known that she would cry now and then

The Newsman

Oh that poor poor newsman. A one-note character if there ever was one, the Newsman is the anchor of Muppet News who tries to keep an air of dignity to his profession while things fall on him.

That is the spiel with the Newsman. He reads a funny headline and ends up having something fall on him. But you know what? It works. It's funny and cheesy, but that's partly what I love about the Muppets. The ability to throw stupid gags against a wall and have them stick.

The Newsman is like the mascot for the Muppet tradition of one-note joke. And I love him for it.


The Muppets have a long standing series of amazing Christmas specials, from Christmas Eve On Sesame Street to A Muppet Christmas Carol. But Emmet Otter's Jug-band Christmas was different.

For one thing, these were entirely new characters. We didn't have Bert and Ernie trading their beloved items to buy a present for each other. We didn't have Kermit dressed as Bob Cratchit getting harassed by Michael Caine. We had Emmet and his mama, Alice, trying to make ends meet in Frogtown Hollow.

Upon hearing of a talent competition, both Emmet and Alice decide to try out and make some money without the other knowing about it. Alice sews a lovely dress and sings a pretty song, and Emmet, after weeks of practicing (or was it days) performs a nice song with his jug band. It's all really nice and sweet.

Until they get their FUCKING ASSES KICKED BY THE FUCKING NIGHTMARE. Formed by local Frogtown Hollow toughs The Riverbottom Gang, led by fellow otter (or gopher or whatever the fuck he is) Chuck (OH maybe he's a woodchuck because his name is Chuck!), the Nightmare perform their signature song "Riverbottom Nightmare Band" and they rock the fuck out. I can't find any actual link to the song, so here's some lady covering it and being pretty cool because she is covering a song FROM EMMET FUCKING OTTER.

Now obviously the Nightmare wins and Emmet and Alice are left without prize money and I mean that without any sarcasm or anything. The protagonists of the film lose the money they need to survive and the asshole antagonists win it all. Merry Christmas everyone!

For more information on Emmet Otter you can look here, which is the second Muppet related Progressive Boink article I've posted this month.

The Letter M

Me and my M, mm-mm/We go mm, mm, mm/When we mosey along/Mosey on, mosey on


"There was always a minority afraid of something, and a great majority afraid of the dark, afraid of the future, afraid of the past, afraid of the present, afraid of themselves and shadows of themselves." - Ray Bradbury, The Martian Chronicles

Fear and paranoia are prevalent when facing the unknown. The simple threat of the USSR led America to hide in fear from the Red Scare despite them having to wait in line for bread. So why shouldn't visitors from another world show fear and confusion at normal, everyday Earth objects?

These Martians, occasionally known as Yip-yips, are very squid-like with their tentacles and giant bug eyes. They also have antennae because aliens!

Their whole bit was observing a common object and converse in their native language, which is comprised of "yip yip yip yip yip, uh-HUH, uh-HUH" in a monotone. Sometimes they'll imitate the object (like a phone) or they'll consult a book and mistake one object for another (like a computer for a typewriter).

It's so rare in performances to see people have ridiculous fun in what they're doing, but the Martians sketches always made it seem like the puppeteers were really having fun with that. Most Muppet stuff looked like people were really just goofing around while doing and that's what made it great.

Marjory the Trash Heap

Oracle to the denizens of Fraggle Rock, Marjory is a giant sentient pile of garbage who knows all, and due to the wide array of garbage that makes her up, she also is all. To quote Marjory, "I'm orange peels, I'm coffee ground, I'm wisdom!"

Almost always joined by her shills, the rat-like Philo and Gunge, Marjory was always ready to lend a helping hand or temporary solution and even encouraged the Fraggles and other species to come together in harmony. While serving as a source of wisdom for the Fraggles in the first season, she was relocated in the second season. Since then, her appearances were much more sporadic and only needed when the Fraggles really needed help with a problem.

Also she sounded like an old Jewish grandma which is like 1000x funnier if you have one.

Miss Piggy

Coy and aggressive. Those are the two faces of the porcine prima donna and female lead of The Muppet Show. One minute she's showering affection for her Kermie, the next she's karate chopping the hell out of him, sending him flying through the air.

The self-proclaimed star of The Muppet Show, Miss Piggy is a multi-talented swine. She's a skilled dramatic actress, starring in both medical drama "Veterinarian's Hospital" and space epic "Pigs In Space." She's also an excellent singer, sometimes performing duets with the love of her life. She can also drive a truck and tap dance.

Originally a one-dimensional character, the writers soon realized there was more to her than just "pig who loves frog." As a matter of fact, her diva personality seperates her from just about any other character. Her unique character has led her to being one of the most popular Muppets, writing a best-selling book, creating a fitness album. She even had her own perfume called Moi.

As Frank Oz once said "She wants everyone to treat her like a lady, and if they don't, she'll cut them in half." Piggy to a T.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Letter L

I heard the little L/Let out a "luh, luh, luh"/The little Rebel L/He cried "luh, luh, luh"

Lew Zealand

Lew Zealand is a very strange fellow.

For whatever reason a regular on The Muppet Show, Lew's act was that of a boomerang fish thrower, which is exactly what it sounds like. He throws fish and they come back to him. While boomerang fish throwing might seem a little difficult, Zealand simply explains "You gotta have sole. And if you can't get sole, use halibut."

Once he did this thing here:

Aaaaand that's all I have to say about Lew Zealand!

Link Hogthrob

According to Brian Henson, "As a kid, whenever my dad did some stereotypical fatherly chore, like carving the Thanskgiving turkey, that would be the voice he would use. I guess when the character of this pompus, not-too-bright pig came along, he figured well that voice would fit just perfectly."

The fearless captain of the Swinetrek, Link Hogthrob was the blonde, cleft-chinned, dim-witted star of Pigs In Space, a great recurring Muppet Show sketch about pigs. In space. Frequently his Shatnerian machismo would be a source of conflict between him and First Mate Piggy.

Outside of the Swinetrek, Hogthrob carried his Shatner parody to singing as well performing such songs as "Sea Chantey," a solo on the song "Sonny Boy", and the awesome "I Talk to the Trees." Later on, Hogthrob would co-star with Fozzie Bear on the equally great "Bear On Patrol," where he portrays the Police Chief to Fozzie's Patrol Bear. Link's own idiocy would commonly cause harm to Patrol Bear. And that was it. A bear in police uniform couldn't get his job done and would get hurt. That was every episode of "Bear On Patrol" and it was amazing.



hey mac

you wanna buy this post?

A great salesman, Lefty's decked in a trenchcoat, usually selling Ernie some letter, number, or object. Actually he usually failed in his endeavors so he wasn't that great a salesman.

Lefty is very shady. He's like some kind of a black market Q salesman or something.


now buy the post and take it home tonight.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The Letter K

There once was a king from Kalamazoo/Who had a kicky kangaroo/Now the kindly kangaroo named Kay/Played a keen kazoo both night and day

There are no Muppets of any importance that begin with the letter K

Okay fine

Kermit The Frog

Starting from the humblest of origins, one of Elizabeth Henson's old coats and a ping pong ball cut in half, it's hard to believe that a lizard-like minor character on WRC's "Sam and Friends" would become one of the most beloved and popular fictional characters.

Kermit is everything in the Muppet world. He reports on news stories on Sesame Street, he's the frazzled host and stage manager of The Muppet Show, he's the executive producer of Muppets Tonight. If there's a Muppet production, Kermit is in it and usually playing a big role. He is without a doubt the de facto leader of the Muppets. Even outside of the Muppet world, he stands above all other puppets. He's hosted The Tonight Show and Larry King Live, he was a semi-regular for two years of Hollywood Square. Hell, he even accompanied Lady GaGa at this year's MTV Video Music Awards. Kermit has some damn staying power.

More than any other Muppet, Kermit represents Jim Henson. In fact, Kermit basically is a froggier version of Henson. He was the spirit of Henson's creativity, originality, body, mind and soul. He's the voice to the things the usually quiet Henson wouldn't or couldn't say. He's Henson's wit and innocence rolled into one. Knowing the world isn't always beautiful but you have to make with what you have. We may not be that beautiful, either, but we should still love who we are.

Kermit is not Bugs Bunny or WALL-E or Mickey Mouse. Kermit isn't two-dimensional. He actually exists. His face and voice and character is all real. He can interact with a little girl who keeps putting Cookie Monster into the alphabet.

He can ride a bicycle and he can play a banjo

He'll fly across the room after getting brutally kicked by Miss Piggy. He can be hugged and kissed and felt and talked to. Kermit has dreams and hopes and feelings, moreso than other fictional character. Kermit is more human than any other frog would even dare to dream.

He's green and it'll be fine. It's beautiful and it's what he wants to be.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Letter J

Sometimes I couldn't find any Muppets beginning with a certain letter, so I'm just going to skip that letter. This makes this much easier for me.

I'll never let it go/I'll keep my J with me/My J and I, come next July/Will join a jamboree.

Johnny Fiama

Muppets Tonight wasn't that good. It did, however, give us a few new characters. Mainly Pepe the King Prawn(who I don't like that much), but it also gave us Johnny Fiama.

Fiama is an old crooner in the style of Sinatra and, Fiama's idol, Tony Bennet. He's a regular performer on the KMUP lineup, occasionally promoting his own wares including an album called "Johnny, We Hardly Heard You" and his own theater restaurant, Johnny's Pasta Playhouse.

Despite apparently being a halfway successful singer with his own TV show("The Johnny Fiama Show") and a bodyguard (a monkey with a hot temper named Sal Minella), Johnny still lives with his mama. My best guess for this is that, as a Muppet, Fiama is very immature. Also I heard she makes a delicious pasta sauce so maybe that's it.


Part Janis Joplin(her namesake) and part Mick Jagger(the basis for her looks), Janice is the lead guitarist and backup singer(sometimes lead) for the Electric Mayhem.

The only member of the band to hold another career, Janice is also a frequent performer on The Muppet Show, mainly on the medical drama Veterinarian's Hospital(which for some reason commonly doesn't actually have animals as the subject of the sketch), where she plays the fittingly named Nurse Janice.

Sometimes there's a running joke in Muppet movies where, when all of them are talking at the same time and someone quiets them, Janice is the last one to finish talking, usually loudly saying something inappropriate to the actual topic of conversation("So I told him, 'Look, man, I don't take my clothes off for anybody, even if it is artistic' and...Oh.").

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Letter H

Add an "ip" (Hip!)/Or add an "ey" (Hey!)/Or add an E, and then a L, and then the letter P (HELP ME!)/That's H/Soul H.

Herry Monster

Poor, poor Herry. A blue fuzzy monster with a big ol purple nose, Herry was a great monster. A big guy who doesn't even know the extent of his strength, Herry was most at home with his monster doll, Hercules.

Then something happened, I don't know what. I might have been Elmo pushed into the spotlight, I don't really know and I don't blame Elmo for it. But Herry got lost somewhere along the way. His last big appearance was in 2001 when he had a sleepover with Gabi(Maria and Luis's daughter).

I miss Herry.


Hoggle is the first person who aids young Sarah (my third favorite Jennifer Connelly character) through Jareth's (played by David Bowie with 80s hair and a giant bulge) labyrinth. The surliest dwarf since Grumpy, Hoggle provides a series of odd jobs in the labryinth, like exterminating fairies, and he enjoys collecting shiny things.

At first incredibly callous and pissed off toward Sarah, she tricks him into being her guide through Goblin King's maze. During the journey, the develop a friendship and Hoggle learns to overcome his cowardice and must eventually choose between his newfound friendship and his fear-induced loyalty to Ziggy Stardust.

In Labyrinth, Hoggle represents Jesus


A jazz playing owl, Hoots is the man. One of the few elderly muppets on Sesame Street, Hoots has a granddaughter named Athena and a long history as a musician.

Before his current gig, leading the band at Club Birdland, Hoots got his first gig in a band called "The Rhythm School." Moving on to his own, he flew from nightclub to nightclub working with many musical greats. Now that he's older and wiser (because owl) he's settled on Sesame Street where he still jams to this day.

Hoots has taught Ernie to put down the duckie and, recently, he was the one who taught Cookie Monster that "A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food" (which is a parody of a goddamn Gershwin song).

Hoots is the old jazz musician we should all know.