100 Greatest Movie Characters: 1

"You wanna to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do."

1. Indiana Jones
Raiders of the Lost Ark

Yes, that's right. Dr. Henry Walton Jones, Jr. My number one.

The return of the classic great adventurer, Indy is everything a classic hero should be: charming, a good guy, adventurous, with easy to hate enemies and iconic imagery (in this case his fedora and especially his whip). There is not a single person on Earth who has seen this movie and didn't have even a passing thought of becoming an archaeologist.

Not only a classic hero, but incredibly human as well. Dripping with a wry sense of humor and a lack of respect from his superiors, Indy gets the job done as any other adventure hero would: with his fists and brain. But here's the catch about Indiana, he'll take a punch. James Bond never gets hit in the face, Indiana Jones does. James Bond is fearless, Indiana Jones is like the rest of us. He has phobias. When met with snakes, he's almost completely frozen. He's a human being, like the rest of us.


Defining moment: The opening of "Raiders," as we see Indy venture into an ancient booby-trapped cave to retrieve a lost idol. One of the most iconic scenes in film history and still awesome today.

It took a long gestation period for me to figure out the number 1 spot. Once I figured it out, though, it was like I never had a second thought about it. George Lucas and Steven Spielberg's love of the old adventure films of their childhood had me seek out films like them. Indiana Jones is the reason I love movies. He may not be as compelling as Patrick Bateman, or as emotionally-stirring as WALL-E, but without Indy? This list wouldn't exist.

Indiana Jones is still one of my heroes.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 2

"Tell me, Clarice – have the lambs stopped screaming?"

2. Hannibal Lecter
Silence of the Lambs

What happened to the old Royal Shakespeare Company? Dame Maggie Smith is in Harry Potter, Sir Ian McKellen has two different action figures (Magneto and Gandalf) and Sir Anthony Hopkins is best know for eating people's livers. But you know what, Hopkins deserves all the notoriety he gets for playing the devious Dr. Hannibal Lecter, one of the most chilling characters ever brought to life.

A former psychologist, Lecter is able to delve deep into people's minds and it's all the better for him to manipulate them with. His haunting relationship with Clarice Starling builds a powerful rapport in the film. Making her rely on his knowledge of the insane puts Lecter in complete control of the interrogations and he uses it to quite the advantage. Putting himself in a well-guarded cell rather than a glass room makes it much easier for a bloody escape.

Cold, calculating and manipulative, Lecter just has to wait for you to make one mistake, one tiny little miniscule mistake and he can make his move. No worries, though. He has all the time in the world to wait.

Defining moment: The final scene. Having successfully made his escape to an airport in Bimini, Lecter calls Clarice days after she brings down Buffalo Bill and assures her that he has no intention of tracking her down. Their conversation cuts short as the good doctor claims he's "having an old friend for dinner." As Dr. Chilton, the director of the mental facility Lecter formerly resided in, gets off his plane, Lecter disappears into the crowd. Slowly following him.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 3

"I know"

3. Han Solo
Star Wars

Number 8 (and the final) in a series of Star Wars characters.

"FUCK LUKE SKYWALKER" was the general consensus when audiences laid their eyes on the swaggering nerf herder known as Han Solo. Smuggler by trade, fucking awesome by birth, Solo is able to seem cool as shit in situations where he might just seem like a total cockbag.

In addition to being super charming and a snappy dresser (look at that amazing vest), he's damn handy with a blaster (which Han may be the only person to find cooler than the fucking Force, ostensibly making the blaster cooler than anything ever). Plus he owns the sweetest ship in the galaxy (which made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, which makes it pretty damn amazing considering a parsec is distance, meaning the Millenium Falcon can warp distance) and has a god damn giant dog-ape as a sidekick.

Han Solo is fucking awesome. Act like you know.

Defining moment: Shooting first

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 4

"I look like you want to look. I fuck like you want to fuck. I am smart, capable and, most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not"

4. Tyler Durden
Fight Club

Tyler Durden is a bad man. A very, very bad man. He will pee in your soup, sell your fat back to you a soap, splice porn into your movies, and he will bomb the shit out of every material good you have, because let's face it you don't really need a home.

Id literally personified, Durden is a natural (or as natural that a figure of multiple personalites can be) born leader with a taste for the anarcho-primitivist. Stylish and cool, Durden will beat the shit out of your face and you wouldn't mind (because he doesn't exist).

He's not his job, or his parent's money, or even his fucking khakis. He's the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. And he wouldn't have it any. Other. Way.

Defining moment: The first night of Fight Club, and Tyler has a couple of very specific rules to lay down before the fighters engage in their activities.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 5

"I find your lack of faith disturbing"

5. Darth Vader
Star Wars

Part 7 in a series of Star Wars characters.

No matter how much he was controlled by the Emperor, Darth Vader is the ultimate evil of the galaxy. He is everything synonymous with scary: he's a huge imposing figure, wearing an all-black ensemble, breathing heavily and sounding like James Earl Jones speaking through a floor fan.

And that mask. The expressionless stare and robotic face defy emotion and keep him in the serious state he remains in with Jones's voice providing no trace of emotion. Only a need to strike fear in the hearts of the rebellion (and every child watching).

Darth Vader is the epitome of effective simplicity. Being the bare minimum of imposing creates a much scarier figure. Plain and simple.

Defining moment: Once more with the WALL-E:

• His powerful entrance
• His first force choke
• The first moment we see him without a helmet
• "No, I am your father"
• Sacrificing himself and throwing the Emperor over a railing that was conveniently there

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 6

"Well, sir, it's this rug I have. It really tied the room together."

6. The Dude
The Big Lebowski

What would happen if Raymond Chandler wrote The Big Sleep and instead of Philip Marlowe you had some stoner stuck in the late 70s looking for a new rug? You'd have The Big Lebowski. Actually you wouldn't, because The Big Lebowski is a disabled multi-millionare who lost his legs to some Chinaman in Korea. I'm not talking about Jeffrey Lebowski. I'm talking about The Dude. That's what you call him. That or His Dudeness, Duder, El Duderino (if you're not into the whole brevity thing).

A case of mistaken identity (and a micturated piece of furniture) spins The Dude's life out of control, as the otherwise easygoing toker is thrust into a world of porn kings, trophy wives, and nihilists. At the center of a kidnapping mystery, The Dude is abused and pushed into everything without even a fucking second thought. But, to Dude's credit, he takes all of it with stride. Keeping a mostly cool head even when Walter goes over the edge or facing an angry wet marmot.

To say The Dude is an original character is an understatement, there was never anything like Jeff Bridges lovable stoner and there probably never will be again. The Dude does his own thing and doesn't let anyone stop him. To put it bluntly, The Dude abides.

Defining moment: To say there is a moment in The Big Lebowski that actually defines The Dude would be impossible. Nothing can accurately define him. To find one specific moment to peg him to? That shit would be decidedly un-Dude.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 7

"Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker"

7. John McClane
Die Hard

Keeping Alan Rickman from chewing up all the scenery, Bruce Willis's NY cop in LA on vacation had to be one hell of a character to make it this far up on the list. And thank god he is.

A foul-mouthed wiseass trying to win back his estranged wife (jesus how many times has Bruce Willis had "trouble with the wife" in his films), McClane is stuck in the bathroom as a terrorist cell holds Nakataomi Plaza hostage.
The only one off the map of Hans Gruber, McClane proceeds to gun his way through the building trying to save the day. All the while having to deal with a bunch of cops believing he's part of Gruber's cadre.

The star of the greatest action film of all time, McClane is a character with more depth and dimension to him than your average Joe Schwarzenegger.

Defining moment: Tricking Hans in the end by using Christmas wrapping supplies (it is a Christmas movie, after all) to hide an extra gun behind his back.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 8

"Get away from her, you bitch!"

8. Ellen Ripley
Alien

The greatest film heroine ever and possibly the biggest sci-fi badass ever, Ellen Ripley went from what is essentially slasher film hero (running around trying to avoid death by alien) to the greatest hero of the galaxies since the Empire was brought down by some kid with feathered hair and his space cowboy friend.

By the end of the first film, Ripley is stranded in space, drifting around in hypersleep. Revived 57 years after the Nostromo incident (where she was the only surviving crewmember of a Xenomorph attack) she is charged, due to her knowledge of the LV-426 planetoid (where the Nostromo first encountered Xenomorph eggs), to lead a team of space marines (yes SPACE MARINES) into investigating what happened to the colony living there. Turns out, surprise surprise!, that the aliens killed them all.

Well, almost all. Ripley swears to protect the last surviving member, a young girl named Newt. As her maternal instincts kick in, her fears of going face-to-face with a bunch of HR Giger nightmares all but disappear and she is reborn as a god damn warrior princess. In all honesty Ripley may be the biggest badass in any action film.

Defining moment: Going mano-a-mano (womano-a-womano?) with the Queen Alien. Oh and winning of course. If you don't know, the Alien Queen looks like this:



So yeah. Awesome.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 9

"The name's Bond. James Bond"

9. James Bond
Dr. No

Its safe to say that with all the Bond incarnations over 40 years, it's hard to pick just one Bond. I mean, each one obviously has his own appeal and hahahahaha no fuck that the best is Sean Connery.

The classic Bond, Connery's performance will forever be the Bond that is judged upon all others. The quintessence of the suave British spirit (even if he's played by a Scotsman), Bond could be as campy as he wants to be and still come off looking like the smoothest motherfucker. The greatest secret agent (although he always seems to get caught at least once), Bond is backed by an aresenal of cool gadgets including guns shaped like pens, pens shaped like guns, invisible cars, and I'm guessing some other things that are cheesy and cool.

A debonair jet-setting womanizer, Bond will never pass up and opportunity to get laid unless it completely stands in the way of his job of defeating international criminals like Auric Goldfinger or Ernst Blofeld.

James Bond is cooler and better than you or I will ever be. Even if he can't pronounce his S's correctly.

Defining moment: Taking off his wetsuit to reveal he's still in a tuxedo. Thinking it was awesome as a child and laughing at how fucking stupid it is today.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 10

"I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!"

10. Michael Corleone
The Godfather

Sure Michael was in the first Godfather film, but that was more about Vito than anything. From the beginning, Michael wanted nothing to do with the family business (the business being the family) and attended Dartmouth and became a WW2 Marine (against Vito's wishes). Still caring about his family when his father is nearly assassinated, he volunteers to kill Virgil "The Turk" Sollozzo and Capt. McCluskey, both of whom are killed at his hand. He exiles himself to Sicily and only returns to New York upon learning his older brother Sonny was killed, having to take over his role operating head of the family. Soon, though, Vito dies and Michael becomes Don of the Corleone crime family. Viciously slaughtering the members of the Barzini crime family, Michael cements his reputation as a ruthless mafia boss.

A lot for a first film, but Michael truly shines in the second part. Charting his complete moral decay, Michael does all he can to keep things legitimate but family and enemies (especially ones who keep putting hits out on him) keep him from trying to live a simple life. By the end of the film, Michael is forced to deal with all his mistakes, all his problems, as the rage he must face in this film will haunt him for the rest of his life. Pacino's transformation from an innocent to a vicious crime boss is one of the singular best performances in film.

Then Part III came along and fucked everything up for everyone.

Defining moment: Michael's chilling confrontation with Fredo after realizing Fredo was talking to Hyman Roth. He knows what he has to do. Have Fredo murdered. And he knows its a choice that will stay with him forever.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 11

"They cursed us. Murderer they called us. They cursed us, and drove us away. And we wept precious, we wept to be so alone. And we forgots the taste of bread, the sound of trees, the softness of the wind. We even forgot our own name. My precious."

11. Gollum
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

A raspy deformed halfling with a short stature and loose grip on sanity, we discover that within the frail former Stoorish Hobbit live two separate entities: Sméagol, an innocent who still remember things like love and friendship and trust, and Gollum, a monster dominated by his obsession with the Ring and who only knew violence and treachery.

Gollum, being vicious and manipulative, is commonly the dominant personality, bullying the poor Sméagol close to oblivion. Frodo's natural kindness however awakens something in the creature and Sméagol is able to thrive again (with constant opposition from Gollum, of course).

The first really great motion-captured characters in film, Gollum show what Computer Generated Imagery can accomplish. Gollum's performance, completely taken from Andy Serkis's movements and voice, is better than most real actors out there today. Animators even worked on separating the two characters through everything from body posture to pupils (small and beady for Gollum, big and round for Sméagol). A simultaneously heartbreaking and horrifying character, Gollum is absolutely precious. We lovessss hims.

Defining moment: His heartbreaking argument, as Gollum chews out Sméagol, insulting and emotionally abusing him (well, himself), the innocent side soon stands up to itself. Demanding the monster inside to "leave now and never come back," Sméagol is able to effectively banish Gollum from his person. If only for a little while.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 12

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers"

12. Randal Graves
Clerks

The avatar for anyone who's ever had a shitty job, Randal is the voice of discourse to Dante's passive clerking. The Id to Dante's ego, a slacker more than anyone else (even Jay and Silent Bob take their job selling narcotics more or less seriously). A troublemaker with a penchant for sloth, Randal seems to love being a devil on the shoulder of Dante Hicks.

Yet for all his smart-ass comments and lackadaisical attitude, Randal possesses more common sense than most Gen-Xers. He understands that clerking is a choice, and while Dante despises working behind the counter at the Quik Stop, Randal simply chooses not to care about his RST Video job. Randal is like a zen slacker.

Defining moment: When a woman asks if he can order a film for her daughter titled "Happy Scrappy Hero Pup," Randal agrees. After listing off a number of sordidly-named pornos (including "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts," "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers," "My Cunt and 8 Shafts," and "Men Alone II: The KY Connection") Randal turns to the mother and daughter, dismissively asking her to repeat the name of the film she wanted to order.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 13

"Back off, man. I'm a scientist"

13. Peter Venkman
Ghostbusters

Before there was Vince Vaughn, there was Venkman. Part of the street-smart half of the paranormal control team known as the Ghostbusters (he and Winston, while Egon and Ray are the far more paranormal intelligent), Dr. Venkman keeps the team lively with his flippant nature and generally assholish quips.

A sarcastic but lovable prick, Venkman is a savvy skirt-chaser with a lazy approach to anything actually resembling work. BUT his big mouth can also be useful as he's damn fine at being persuasive, working his way over many people in New York City.

He's cynical, he's sarcastic, but damn it if we don't love him.

Defining moment: Using his powers of persuasion to the Mayor of New York. And like that, the Ghostbusters are back in business.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 14

"Each night when I return the cab to the garage, I have to clean the cum off the back seat. Some nights, I clean off the blood."

14. Travis Bickle
Taxi Driver

A hero for the 70s, Travis Bickle is a lonely, depressed young cabbie in Manhattan who works night shifts due to chronic insomnia. He's develops a crush on a campaign volunteer named Betsy and tries to romance her. Unfortunately Travis is slightly socially awkward and on their first date, he takes her to a Swedish porno and she obviously leaves offended.

Here's where it gets bad. Rejected and now severely depressed, Travis becomes increasingly more psychopathic. Disgusted with the prostitutes and criminals surrounding his nightly drives, he finds a focus for his anger by trying to become a vigilante. This all finally comes into play when he meets Iris, a child prostitue. Much in the way Travis develops obsessions with Betsy and vigilantism, he too becomes preoccupied with saving the naive little girl who believes hanging with pimps and drug dealers is better than getting an education.

By the end, he does save Iris and goes back to his night shift, but the media focus on him as a hero almost pacifies him, transforming him back into the almost-sane person he once was. Albeit now slightly more haunted by his regrets and violent past.

Defining moment: Attempting suicide after murdering an entire house of pimps and gunmen to save Iris, Travis finds all his weapons to be empty. Awaiting the cops arrival, he hauntingly puts his fingers to his head, imitating a gun, and pulls the "trigger" a few times

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 15

"A boy's best friend is his mother"

15. Norman Bates
Psycho

Shy, yet friendly. Average, yet a little off. Right off the bat, we can tell there's something wrong with the reserved mama's boy Norman Bates. After the infamous shower scene, we begin to wonder: does Bates know his mother murdered someone? Did he have anything to even do with it? Is he simply a weakling under the thumb of mad Mother Bates? Or is there something more sinister to him.

Imagine being audience to the premiere of Psycho. The things that happen on screen have never really been seen before. People are violently murdered, for god's sake. And the twist ending was unlike ANYTHING seen in a mainstream film. The twist, and Anthony Perkins' subdued madness alone was enough to make on my list. And especially a severely disturbed performance like that to make it this high.

Defining moment: Running in, knife in hand, dressed as his mother.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 16

"You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death and then play around with your blood."

16. Patrick Bateman
American Psycho

The epitome of Yuppie scum, Patrick is greedy, callous, egotistical, shallow, and heavily addicted to sex and drugs. He also kills people, but that's beside the point. Even if he didn't kill everyone he thinks he did (and there's a possibility it's all in his head), he's still a fucking repugnant human being. Not even he can stomach himself, so he dissolves into this fantasy world of murder and Huey Lewis.

Although often claiming he is devoid of emotion, Bateman frequently experiences panic attacks and, of course, moments of extreme rage. Stemming from his own deep-seated insecurities, Bateman's victims are usually killed because they make him feel unimportant. His own ego problems are solved with extreme personal grooming and obsessive attention to detail and style, stroking his vain ego as much as possible to make himself feel like more of a man.

But then again, does any of this really matter? In a world of self-absorbed investment bankers, does anyone listen? Patrick confesses multiple times to his own crimes, but they are consistently laughed off by his friends and co-workers who either view it as a joke or are simply just not listening. He even lengthily confesses it to his lawyer, who confuses him for someone else and laughs at his "good joke." His confessions mean nothing in this day and age. There is no solution for Patrick Bateman's crimes, no poetic justic, no chance of the good guy winning. Not even Patrick wins. Everyone loses. No matter what.

Defining moment: I'm gonna WALL-E this again, because there's a number of great Patrick Bateman moments.

• The murder of Paul Allen. Decked in a clear trenchcoat and shiny-as-hell axe, he discusses the important message on the wonder of conformity in Huey Lewis and The News' "Hip To Be Square" before hacking Allen up into tiny pieces
• Chasing a hooker. Naked. While holding a chainsaw. And killing her by dropping the chainsaw on her from a few stories up.
• Anytime he talks about music ever
• Blowing up a cop car with his handgun and then looking at the handgun with disbelief
• FEED ME A STRAY CAT

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 17

"I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope."

17. Ellis "Red" Redding
The Shawshank Redemption

Although originally written as a middle-aged Irishman (his fiery-red hair, now graying, earned him the nickname), Red was turned into a freckly black man because Frank Darabont couldn't see anyone else playing him other than Morgan Freeman's Voice. And you really can't blame him.

Obviously the narrator of the film (because he's Morgan fucking Freeman), Red is also the best friend of prisoner Andy Dufrense. At first secluded, Andy soon opens up to Red and treats him as a friend and even somewhat a prison father figure, because he is Morgan Freeman and he has a voice so soothing and reassuring you could sleep to it.

Red, possibly because of his color, has been denied parole on multiple occasions. Although for Red this may be a blessing, as he fears his years locked up have left him somewhat unaccustomed to the outside world and may cause him to commit suicide like Brooks Hatlen has done. But Red is an optimist, a kind soul, and the one who keeps Andy's hope alive as he plans his escape.

Defining moment: Finally getting parole, Red goes to the field where he promised to meet Andy, finding only a box containing a letter. As he violates parole and boards the bus to Mexico to meet his old friend, he gets this twinkle in his eye that is almost as lovely as Morgan Freeman's voice. Almost.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 18

"You are most troublesome, for a security guard."

18. Hans Gruber
Die Hard

An exceptional thief, Hans Gruber is the mastermind behind the entire Nakatomi robbery and about as suave and level-headed as a villain can get.

Sure, of course there are more memorable villains (see later in this list), but Hans, like most of "Die Hard," is infinitely quotable and Alan Rickman is such an exquisite actor that he captures the deviousness of the character's mind and his ensuing anger as one man takes down his entire elaborate operation.

Gruber is so sharp in his goatee and handsome suit and filled with such charisma that, if it weren't for how much of a fucking badass John McClane was, you might just want the bad guy to win.

Defining moment: Killing Harry Ellis, thereby doing something the rest of us wanted to do to that smug fucking prick since the beginning of the film.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 19

"Mind if I sit down? I'm carrying quite a load here"

19. Marge Gunderson
Fargo

Whaddya got there, an extortion an' kidnapping case with some murders? And ya send in a cop who's far inta her pregnancy there? That seems a bit cuckoo, ya know? Unless ya know ol' Margie Gunderson, then maybe.

Not only a real nice lady, married to an equally nice fella (Norm "Son of a" Gunderson), but she's a dang good detective. Don't think all those Northerners are a bunch of rubes there. Marge is a smart cookie, ya know? And she ain't gonna let a little (far more than a little) pregnancy get in the way of her police work. I mean, she's got a job to do!

Frances McDormand's character is the second greatest creation of the Coens (wait for the first one) and it's proven by McDormand's Oscar for Best Actress. A genuinely likable harried police officer who takes all her problems in the film with stride.

Defining moment: Finding an important clue near the crime scene. Wait...nope. Just morning sickness.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 20

"Nobody calls me chicken."

20. Marty McFly
Back To The Future

What is it about the 80s and cool teenagers? Did we in the 90s realize that being a teenager was less cool and more angst (not that there were plenty of angst in 80s teen films)? Is this like when comics became dark and gritty because they weren't "real" enough (giving a man with the ability of flight a heroin addiction does not make something real, by the way)?

Whatever, there's no denying that Marty McFly was quite possibly the coolest teenager of the 80s. Sure Ferris Bueller was cool, but did he travel through time? Pretty sure he didn't. Marty wasn't only a skilled Eddie Van Halen-level guitarist and awesome skateboarder, but he also drove a flux-capacitor-equipped DeLorean (a kickass car) and reunited his parents as teenagers before almost completely disappearing.

Also he has this awesome jacket that I really like.

Defining moment: Performing "Johnny B. Goode" (an oldie where he comes from) at the Enchantment Under The Sea dance. And then going completely out of control with it, playing some sweet-ass solos. Also this scene contains my favorite line from Back To The Future: "YO CHUCK, IT'S YOUR COUSIN MARVIN. MARVIN BERRY? YOU KNOW THAT NEW SOUND YOU WAS LOOKING FOR? WELL LISTEN TO THIS!"

For those of you who don't realize, Marty's performance of Chuck Berry's "Johnny B. Goode" inspired Chuck Berry to perform "Johnny B. Goode." Yes, Marty McFly is so cool he invented rock n roll.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 21

"I want two things. It's not what you think. Organize a press conference. I want a press conference and I want an American Cheeseburger. Hogan, drive. Cheeseburger first."

21. Tony Stark
Iron Man

Iron Man is the greatest superhero movie. Too bad Iron Man is pretty boring. Even for someone who can shoot missiles and fly and all that, he can't match the charm and charisma of his alter-ego Tony Stark.

A quick-witted billionaire playboy with a love of women and a good hand at engineering. As opposed to a Batman or Spider-Man, Tony Stark has no real internal conflicts (although in the comics he becomes an alcoholic and was also pretty much responsible for Captain America's death), he's just a friendly asshole who loves cracking wise.

Yet another testament to actor (and actual Iron Man fan) Robert Downey Jr.'s abilities. Being able to make the guy who fires missles the less interesting of the two has to take a lot of skills, and Downey's penchant for improvised burns and ability to make digs at his own shady past (something both Downey and Stark deal with) show once again that Robert Downey Jr. is an amazing actor.

Defining moment: His final press conference, where he declares that he is Iron Man.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 22

"The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

22. Verbal Kint/Keyser Soze
The Usual Suspects

Possibly a Turkish hell-beast with Sephiroth hair, possibly Kevin Spacey pretending to be slightly retarded. Who knows? The great thing about Soze is that even with the reveal at the end, there's no real signification that Kint himself is Soze (although "Soze" is "Verbal" in Turkish or some language) it's just commonly believed he is the kingpin.

HOWEVER, it's great that for a character who is technically never seen (except once hidden in the shadows behind FLAMES), Keyser Soze completely dominates the film. Whether or not Kint is actually Soze or just a damn good goon, its never clear who could be Keyser Soze until the end. We are led the whole time into thinking that Dean Keaton is the real thing, but with someone as slippery as Soze it could have easily been mumbly Benicio Del Toro, or even the mysterious businessman/competitive eater Mr. Kobayashi.

I'm only including Keyser Soze and Verbal as the same because that is the general consensus.

Defining moment: Successfully fooling the cops, Kint walks out of the precinct free as a bird. And his trademark limp slowly disappears.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 23

"What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the moon, Mary."

23. George Bailey
It's A Wonderful Life

Probably the best Christmas movie (even if only like 1/3 of the film takes place on Xmas) and Jimmy Stewart's brilliant turn as the big-hearted but doubtful George Bailey is head over heels above most other performances in film (see also: almost any other Jimmy Stewart performance. Yes, that includes "Fievel Goes West").

When we first meet Bailey, he's deeply depressed and near suicidal, praying he was never born, a prayer answered by 2nd class angel Clarence Odbody. We see that without George, no one would have saved his brother from drowning in a lake. No one would have stopped greedy ol' Mr. Potter from turning Bedford Falls in Pottersville. All the men Harry saved in the war are all dead.

George Bailey is a man with a big heart in his chest and bigger doubts in his head. Why do I like George Bailey so much? Because I'm pretty much George goddamn Bailey already.

Defining moment: His triumphant run through Bedford Falls when he realizes his life really is wonderful. Wishing the movie house, the Emporium, and that wonderful old Building and Loan a merry christmas.

Christ, do I love this movie.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 24

"If you guys could sing or dance, I wouldn't be doin' this, you know?"

24. Rocky Balboa
Rocky

There's a reason Sylvester Stallone has been doing all the things he's done for the past 30 or so years. This is it. Not only the star, Stallone also wrote (if you can believe it) the classic underdog's tale to try and become a someone.

A warm-hearted, not-especially-bright Philly native, Rocky makes money serving as a loan collector and boxing on the side. When famed boxer Apollo Creed challenges him to a fight (from an idea of his after his opponent couldn't fight), Rocky gets a chance to the go the distance against Creed, something no one has ever done before. He doesn't want to win, he just wants to survive against the funky prizefighter.

Earning confidence while training with cranky former fighter Mickey Goldmill, Rocky is finally able to ask out Adrian, the plain and shy sister of his best friend Paulie. The two hit it off very quickly and Adrian soon feels the same way Rocky feels for her.

Naive and utterly optimistic, Rocky is the portrait of the ultimate underdog. This includes real life, since Rocky actually WON Best Picture against films like Taxi Driver and Network.

Defining moment: The fight against Apollo Creed. As the two fighters get increasingly injured, Rocky refuses to back down. It all culminates with Creed's victory against the Italian Stallion and Rocky's victory to not be just another schnook, finally calling out those two infamous words: "Yo, Adrian!"

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 25

"Groovy"

25. Ash
The Evil Dead

Maybe the only iconic horror movie hero, Ashley J. Williams traveled to an old abandoned cabin in the woods with his friends play a tape from the former owner who reads off a passage of the Necronomicon Ex Mortis or "Book of the Dead," unknowingly awakening a shitload of demons and evil spirits and possessing all of his friends.

From scared shitless to possibly insane badass, Ash is able to drive back the demons (both the literal demons outside and equally literal demons inside), but not before losing a hand and only to be transported back to medieval England, where he then must lead a force against the Army of Darkness, led by his demonic Deadite doppleganger.

I know its really cliche to say on the internet because just about everyone says this, but Bruce Campbell is fucking awesome. He can commit to even the worst thing, probably because he has too much fun doing otherwise. He's an excellent actor and skilled physical comedian (see: the fight against his own hand in Evil Dead 2). Also, Ash loves cheesy one-liners and is an idiot, so he's basically an action movie star stuck in a horror movie.

Defining moment: Stranded as a slave in the 1300s, Ash saves a number of peasants and knights from a vicious Deadite and is able to escape a pit meant for his death, Ash gains his weaponry (a sawn-off shotgun and a chainsaw) and promptly introduces these primitive screwheads to his prized "boomstick."

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 26

"I'll Be Back."

26. T-800 Terminator
The Terminator

A hulking cyborg, the T-800 Model 101 Terminator is not designed for speed or intelligence, but for power. And for guns, I guess. Power and guns. A special cyborg out of a whole group of Model 101 Terminators, this one is sent back in time with one mission: Destroy Sarah Conner before she can give birth to one who will lead the human resistance against the robots.

A formidable assassin and soldier, he has the ability to appear human and can speak naturally (or as natural as a giant Austrian can speak). In more capable hands, the Terminator could have been a complex and far less interesting character, but Schwarzenegger's limited acting gives something else to the character. A quiet menace with wit and strength.

Defining moment: Getting half his face blown off. Only to have it regenerate.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 27

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it."

27. Atticus Finch
To Kill A Mockingbird

Somewhere in the great pantheon of fictional fathers, among the Ward Cleavers and Homer Simpsons and Mufasas, there stands a king (moreso than a dang lion). A man of fantastic valor and morality. A strong-willed, deep-thinking man. Atticus Finch is that man.

Finch, a widowed lawyer with two kids, Jem and Scout, is possibly the most noble human being in history, real or fictional. He is prideful of his heritage as a southern gentleman but at the same time sees the changing times of racism and feels ashamed for the treatment of his differently colored brothers in his deeper south.

Atticus Finch is a model for men of tolerance and integrity since Harper Lee's original novel. And Gregory Peck plays him to absolute perfection.

Defining moment: His defense of Tom Robinson, a black man accused of raping a white woman. His speech, in a room filled to the brim with a lynch mob, is a touching plea to believe an honest man, regardless of his skin color.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 28

"You gonna bark all day little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"

28. Mr. Blonde
Reservoir Dogs

The quality of a true psychopath is our ability to disbelieve how crazy he truly is until it's too late. With Mr. Blonde, the decidedly un-blonde heist member, we hear throughout the film about what a complete sadist "Toothpick" Vic Vega is. We hear that he shot several innocent civilians for no real reason during the robbery and we hear what a madman he is.

None of this matters when he finally appears on the scene, having successfully survived the failed robbery. Leaning against a pole, enjoying a drink, and quietly observing Mr Pink and Mr White argue over who might possibly have been the mole that foiled the robbery. As Pink, White, and Nice Guy Eddie (arriving to question the surviving members as to what happened) leave the warehouse only then do we see how crazy he is.

Defining moment: Having captured a cop who was on the scene (and now left alone with him, more or less) Mr. Blonde proceeds to use the tied-up officer as his own little plaything. Dancing around to Stealers Wheel's "Stuck In The Middle With You," he begins to ritualistically torture the policeman by slicing his face open and severing his ear. Only when he begins dousing the cop in gas (getting gas from his car in a beautiful single shot) does he finally get his comeuppance: a series of bullets to the chest by the suffering Mr. Orange who's lying on the floor

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 29

"Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me." Good point there. After all, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus, but I'd still have to bum rides off of people."

29. Ferris Bueller
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Quite possibly the least angry representation of teenage rebellion, Ferris doesn't have anything to express. No obstacles to cross (other than his desire for a car), Ferris only has one goal - to have a good time. While he's young.

Yet another Hughes brainchild, Ferris is a charismatic and likable high schooler with a love of goofing off and a mastery of feigning illness. He's a savvy, fast talking, quick witted kid. He has plenty of brains and he doesn't want them to be wasted on memorization of things taught by fantastically dull teachers.

Ferris is very popular. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads - They all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

Defining moment: His awesome song and dance to The Beatles' cover of "Twist and Shout" atop a parade float.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 30

"I'm off like a dirty shirt"

30. Philip "Duckie" Dale
Pretty In Pink

Forget what I say about any other character on this list. Forget who is higher, forget how much I praise the brilliance of the other characters. Forget all of it. Duckie is THE best character. I fucking love Duckie. I want to be Duckie. I want to dress like Duckie, act like Duckie, talk like Duckie. Duckie is the epitome of cool.

Jon Cryer's Duckie is the "sidekick" (I guess) and best friend to Molly Ringwald's Andie Walsh, a New Wave-loving outsider who develops a crush on rich preppie Blane (which isn't a name so much as a major appliance). Duckie, though, loves Andie and makes it frequently apparent even if he plays it off as a joke. He'd die for her, he'd do anything for her love.

Andie? You fucked up. Big time. Even if Duckie realized you were right, even if Duckie got his own Duckette, you fucked up. Why would you pass up a guy who's nuts for and is your best friend? Hell, maybe if Molly Ringwald was able to realize what a mistake it was to choose Blane all these years later, maybe you and him have finally gotten together. Maybe you've even had a few cool little Ducklings.

Defining moment: THIS FUCKING THING RIGHT HERE:



This is the scene that purely defines the coolness of the Duckman. Watch him give some sweet dance moves to one of the coolest songs of all time: "Try A Little Tenderness" by Otis Redding. Any girl who loves Duckie usually fell in love at this moment.

You may remember me talking a while ago about how there are only two dances I want to learn. One was Spike Jonze's dance in the video for Fatboy Slim's "Praise You" and the other was this. I'm glad I can finally show those of you what I mean and why I mean it. Maybe I should act more like Duckie. I might land me my own cool Duckette.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 31

"I am a servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udûn! Go back to the shadow! You shall not pass!"

31. Gandalf
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring

First Grey, then White, Gandalf is a soft-spoken wizard who has resided in Middle Earth for about 2000 years. A former resident of Valinor (where he was known as Olórin) and the last member of the Istari to come to Middle Earth, landing in Mithlond and kept the wizard code in Middle Earth, making sure Wizards would aid Humans, Elves, and Dwarves, but only through counsel; under no circumstances would the Wizards use force to command them through force. This, however, was an injunction that the head of the Order, Saruman, disregarded. Obviously the opposing views soured the relationship between Saruman and Gandalf. Meanwhile, he FAAAAARRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT~~~

Enough with the fuckin dork talk. Gandalf is always one to lend a wise word and kick a ton of ass. His brilliant teachings are only rivaled by his ability to swing a sword and cast magic missile (or whatever the fuck magic he does). He's unstoppable in death since he came back as Gandalf the White. He can take charge and command massive armies or he can head into battle himself and dispatch of orcs more than half his age.

Gandalf is played by a 70 year old gay man from England. Gandalf is a fucking badass.

Defining moment: His fight to the death with the Balrog at the beginning of "Two Towers." I don't usually throw around the word "epic" (Go fuck yourself, internet. Try to use it in the right context for once), but the majority of the Lord of the Rings series was done in such a remarkably huge way, that there's no other way for me to describe it. Unless "Holy fucking shit look at that" is a description.

I had an audition

It went well, will have to check the callboard tomorrow to see if I got a callback. This is isn't important. What is important is the IM I just got after mentioning said audition

miss blacktop (7:59:45 PM): AUDITION THIS, ASSHOLE
miss blacktop (7:59:46 PM): /farts

Hilarious. And awesome. Hilarsome.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 32

"English, motherfucker! Do you speak it?!"

32. Jules Winnfield
Pulp Fiction

The coolest assassin ever, Jules is a Jheri-curled, scripture-quoting badass. The mixture of Quentin Tarantino's lengthy writing and Samuel L. Jackson's own air of natural cool, Jules Winnfield is truly a bad motherfucker.

Of course, there's a deeper character to Jules than just a professional killer in a cool suit. His scripture-quoting doesn't come from some bullshit perspective of being cool, he's a religious man, a believer in divine intervention that, after a close call with a loaded gun, decides to change his ways. Even taking the non-violent route while handling being a hostage in a diner heist. Jules keeps his calm and composure during even the hardest of cases (just don't shoot someone in the face).

Defining moment: Oh geez what the fuck else am I going to choose other than his delivery of Ezekiel 25:17

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

His two deliveries of this line are greatly different. His first, while shaking down someone for a briefcase, is loud and forceful, like he truly is the Lord. The second, though, is after his epiphany and is delivered softer while calming down his captor, he's trying real hard to be the shepherd.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 33

"At least you'll never be a vegetable — even artichokes have hearts."

33. Amelie Poulain
Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain

I'm not sure if there is a more impish and whimsical character than the adorably melancholic Amelie.

Like Pollyanna, the already precious Amelie chooses to be even more precious (preciouser?) by deciding to help other people's lives for the better. But she's French so she has to face her own case of severe ennui. A shy waitress in Montmarte, her imagination and perceptiveness always runs wild (at one point, she wonders how many couples in France are having orgasms at the moment and correctly deduces fifteen) allowing her to look for things no-one sees and gives her the ability to examine why people are unhappy with their lives.

It's pretty amazing that director/writer Jean-Pierre Juenet considered anyone other than Audrey Tatou for the part. Her short pixie cut, adorable grin and big beautiful eyes make her seem even cuter than her dialogue could prove. Amelie is adorable. I don't think I've mentioned that yet.

Defining moment: Helping an over-worked delivery boy get revenge on his bastard of a boss by executing a number of complex pranks which slowly undermines his confidence and drives him a little crazy.

100 Greatest Movie Characters: 34

"Hello. I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

34. Inigo Montoya
The Princess Bride

Son of a great Spanish swordmaker, Inigo Montoya watched as his father was killed by a six-fingered nobleman. Devestated by his loss, he devoted his life to learning the ways of the sword, eventually becoming the only living being to earn the rank of "wizard" (a rank higher than "master" and a rank that doesn't actually exist). He originally had elaborate fantasies about getting his revenge on the six-fingered man, but over the years it evolved into the simple phrase above.

Inigo Montoya is an awesome character and he's this high on my list because I'm a big gay pussy who loves "The Princess Bride."

Defining moment: His fight with the mysterious "Man In Black," which begins as a patient conversation as the Man climbs a cliff and takes a breather when he reaches the top, but turns into a lengthy swordfight between the two expert fencers, starting with their left hands until they switch to their more dominant right hands.

Singing sad songs originally done by pieces of felt

I Don't Want To Live On The Moon

Being Green

I am like the Muppet Jeff Buckley.