15 Greatest Zombies 5-1

5. Bob

The only zombie on this list to come from a song (in this case, Jonathan Coulton's "Re: Your Brains"), Bob is, much like Stubbs, not particularly evil, but still has a thirst for organs and murder. I mean, he is still an undead monster after all.

However, in the song, Bob shows great intelligence whilst corresponding with Tom from the office down the hall. Bob is very friendly in his conversations, like any good businessman should, even as he assures Tom and his fellow survivors that they will die.



4. That zombie what fought a shark

A good fight scene can thrill an audience and put them on the edge of their seat. A great fight scene is so holy fuck awesome that you will not forget it EVER. There is a scene in Lucio Fulci's "Zombi" that is so holy fuck awesome that it has to be seen to be believed. That scene is when a zombie fights a fuckin shark.

Does it matter that the shark had its teeth removed and was sedated? Shit no. Why? Because it still is god damned amazing and ends with the zombie WINNING and making a fucking zombie shark.


3. Cemetery Zombie

Yeah, there were zombie films before "Night of the Living Dead." Who cares, though? Once people caught a glimpse of that first zombie killing Barbara's brother in the cemetery, that may as well have been the first time the undead were put on celluloid.

He only appears for a few minutes but after he smashes Johnny's head into a tombstone and chases (zombies can't really chase, can they?) Barbara, people knew that this new breed of zombie wasn't to be fucked with.

Also, he looks a lot like Tom Kenny and that's pretty awesome to me.


2. Tarman

A skeletal monstrosity covered in tar, the Tarman is the quintessential zombie in "Return of the Living Dead," the movie where we get a lot of modern zombie mythos (i.e. they feed on brains, they have a limited vocabulary as opposed to just grunts, etc.).

Sealed in a tar barrel for years only to be brought back from the dead, Tarman finally found comfort after killing some punk who came into his basement, busting out of his tar barrel with a scream of "BRAINS!" and chowing down on his head.

Played by mime Alan Trautman in a suit with a robot head, Tarman's movements lead to one of the most disturbing and strange zombie performances ever made.


1. Bub

There is no reason that any breathing un-undead person would not choose Bub as the greatest zombie of all time. The subject of the underground experiments for a cure, "Day of the Dead"'s Bub stands as the example of zombies as more than slow, dumb, monsters.

Bub exhibits abilities such as recalling memories, showing emotions, and even proving himself to be a moral human being, all by protecting his experimenter by shooting a psycho military captain gone martial law (that same captain had previously mocked Bub and treated him like dirt).

Bub shows in "Day of the Dead" that, even as a zombie, he is still a human at the bottom of his no longer beating heart.

15 Greatest Zombies 10-6

10. Zombie Dogs

The first Resident Evil was pretty straightforward in its zombie fighting. Zombie to the left slowly shambling? Shoot it. Zombie in the next room slowly shambling? Shoot it. Walk past the windo-OH GOD KILL IT SHOOT IT KILL IT!

The shock of the zombie dogs in RE may wear off after the thousandth time one jumps through a window, but that initial fright is why it made my list.



9. Headcrab Zombies
Headcrabs are like giant ticks, they feed on...something in your head. They also use the head as host bodies for whatever the hell they do. Standard headcrab zombies are slow moving and dumb, like any standard zombie, but with variant headcrabs come variant zombies.

The fast headcrab creates a zombie capable of great speed and agility and resembles a burnt skeleton, as it lacks any tissue or skin or organs. The poison headcrab makes a disgusting bloated, hunched zombie whose body is used as an nest for more poison headcrabs to appear.



8. Redead

Apparently the rest of this list is video game zombies. Redeads are the scariest enemies in Legend of Zelda. Seemingly harmless upright corpses, still as the grave. That is, until you get too close. Then they lift their head up, emitting a ear-piercing scream that stops you dead in your tracks, where they then proceed to skull-fuck the hearts out of you.


7. Zombie Michael Jackson

In the ambitious 15-minute "Thriller" music video, the dead rise to torture Michael Jackson and his girlfriend, then Michael Jackson becomes a zombie and all the zombies dance and it is awesome. Everyone knows that god damned dance and rightly so. If zombies could actually dance, that would totally be how they dance.

Also the Vincent Price rap is one of the most fucking priceless things I have ever heard.


6. Ed

Ed is a crass human being. He is a rude, obnoxnious, lazy, foul-mouthed prick who barely takes a real zombie invasion seriously. But he is one of the most loyal friends you could ever have.

Ed is easily the best character in "Shaun of the Dead," which is why its genuinely sad to see him go. As one of the last three survivors of the Winchester invasion, Ed aids in fighting off zombies until he gets bitten himself.

Favoring to kill a few more zombies than to commit suicide with his last few shotgun shells, Ed used the corpse of a rather large undead bloke to shield himself from the zombies until he passed away peacefully. Shaun eventually found him and, as he couldn't bring himself to kill his old friend, lured him to the shed where is chained up, playing video games, just like old times.

15 Greatest Zombies 15-11

Anyone who has talked to me on the subject of horror movies knows that I love the shit out of zombies. They are a great monster in that they aren't fast or strong or smart (but as humans they can learn, which is awesome). I don't really have much else to say about these creatures, so, best zombies. Lets do it.

15. Clairvius Narcisse

If you've seen "The Serpent and The Rainbow," you know the story of Narcisse. Clairvius had allegedly died when he was buried in 1962, but what people didn't know is that he was poisoned to appear to be dead. He was then dug up and served as a semi-comatose zombie servant for the Haitian bokor sorcerer that poisoned him.

14. Der Toten Korps

In the cult classic "Shock Waves," Director Ken Wiederhorn answers the question "what is worse than a zombie" with "nazi zombie." Designed by nazi commanders to pilot U-boats without need to resurface for air, these undead ubermensch take both national socialism and zombies to hilariously cheesy levels of bad taste.

13. Dr. Carl Hill

Dr. Hill is the reanimated head of HP Lovecraft's "Re-animator." Resurrected by Herbert West, who he killed after discovering a convoulted evil plot, he spends a third of the film undead, running around with his own decapitated head in his hands. He also licked a woman and I mean he licks her down there.

12. Selwyn

This happy-go-lucky little kid comes to us from "Braindead" (or "Dead Alive") by Mr. Peter Jackson. "Braindead" is easily one of the best zombie movies and, unsurprisingly, one of the most stomach-churningly gory films ever made. In the third most famous scene in the movie (or maybe fourth), mama's boy-turned-zombie asskicker Lionel Cosgrove chases him around a park where he begins to violently bludgeon the ever-happy wee one in front of a bunch of aghast old ladies.

11. Stubbs

A former salesman, murdered by the father of his lover, rises from his grave in the 50s in the futuristic town of Punchbowl. He proceeds to wreak havoc by building his undead army, searching for his old flame, and using weapons including a detachable hand, exploding organs, and zombie flatulence.

"Stubbs the Zombie" was one the most unique games I've ever had the short chance to play. It is weird and quirky and fun as hell. It helps that the soundtrack is beyond fucking awesome

Hall & Oates & Yodeling

Two more requests.

First, "You Make My Dreams" by Hall and Oates

http://www.box.net/shared/2rctjqvdbx

And secondly, another Soggy Bottom Boys tune, "In The Jailhouse Now." Complete with yodeling.

http://www.box.net/shared/5x8igqsxo1

I Work On The Road Crew

Where is the location of The Milkman? You will tell me. What do you know about the Rainbow Squirts?

Say, Any 'a You Boys Smithies?

Or if not smithies, per se, were you trained in the metallurgic arts before happened circumstances led ya to a life 'a aimless wandrin'?

http://www.box.net/shared/8jl0etcaxs (requested)

http://www.box.net/shared/99b67f1nck (for kicks)

Where Am I?

What is this? I know I used to have a reason to be here, but now I don't even know. Where is my motivation? I need inspiration, a muse, something.

Hey, you...you guys got any suggestions for me? Please? I'm lost here. I'm desperate.

What is happening to me

All day I have took it upon myself to use my blip page (like Twitter with music http://blip.fm/tmbg13) and upload scary/creepy songs.

I've been on a holiday tip this whole day, starting with Christmas and its devolved into Halloween.

I've added songs ranging from "Little Girls" to "Subway Song" to "Frankie Teardrop" (A song that I usually cannot force myself to listen to, but have heard five times today).

Its destroying my mind. I honestly think I am being driven insane and I might not go to sleep again tonight.

ANOTHER REQUEST IMPOSSIBLE YOU SAY

My friend is a jackass. He suggested I sing John Philip Sousa's "Liberty Bell March," the theme song to Monty Python.

I don't know if you know this, but the March has NO LYRICS AT ALL. Have fun listening to me make noises.

http://www.box.net/shared/j2jr7lmbto

He is a huge fucking douchebag.

Uncle Scrooge is out of his god damned mind

Scrooge McDuck is batshit insane. He bathes in gold, for christ's sake.

Also, he once went to THE FUCKING MOON without any form of spacesuit

That dream again

You remember that dream I mentioned before? The one with the dock and the girl and such? It's back.

The only problem with the dream now is it's a girl I know. An old friend. She's awesome and I...I guess I kind of like her.

I'm a little afraid of talking about this, mainly because whenever I like someone I tend to get hurt in one way or another

I don't know if I'm going to get to sleep tonight.

Holy crap, you guys

Oh, man

Is...is this how I normally look? Do I walk around all the time looking like this? Was this at a good angle that separates it from most of my fucking pictures?

I really can't believe I could take a picture of me like this.

This Is Me Singing.

Rickrolling is an Internet meme typically involving the music video for the 1987 Rick Astley song "Never Gonna Give You Up". The meme is a bait and switch: a person provides a web link that he or she claims is relevant to the topic at hand, but the link actually takes the user to the Astley video. The URL can be masked or obfuscated in some manner so that the user cannot determine the true destination of the link without clicking. When a person clicks on the link and is led to the web page, he or she is said to have been "Rickrolled" (also spelled Rickroll'd).

http://www.box.net/shared/n7nda0dpip

This is what I did for April Fools Day.

I am available for weddings and bar mitzvahs.

I actually take requests, not that you guys probably care.


EDIT: Holy fuck, I got an actual request. Here's "Zombie," made special for The Official Cranberries Fanblog

http://www.box.net/shared/juyhzl7b60

EDIT 2: Another one, "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division

http://www.box.net/shared/l263udggzk

I'm still taking requests, btw